Mexico "Way"

My stupid blurbs about anything and addition to the ups and downs of living in Cancun, Mexico.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

A Blast From The Past

Here are some of the more intelligent things I’ve said since I’ve started writing this blog:

Liz has a drinking problem:

-I drank and I drank and I drank and I kept wondering why I was still standing. So I drank more and more and more.

Liz on the after-effects of drinking (apparently she hasn’t learned her lesson):

-Sunday, July 23, 2006
I'm hung over...
...and I'm not sure if it was even worth it. That sucks.


-Monday, August 06, 2007
I Quit Drinking
My name is Elizabeth. And I'm not an alcoholic.

Liz on her love for sauerkraut:

-I grabbed that jar and felt like hiding it under my portobello mushrooms.

Liz and her inability to speak proper English:

-I am the most wisdomest in the world!

Liz’s take on thinking before you piss someone off:

-The next time you want to piss in someone's cornflakes on a Monday morning, think twice. Because I gots the voodoo (JJ says I do) and I will put some shit on yo ass!

Liz loves her pets:

-My pets are all destructive.

-Moco is a pain in the culo.

Liz doesn’t like the “yuck man”???:

-Cuz you know the yuck man at the stupid electrical place pretty much ignored me. Thanks for the great service there asshole!

Where the hell does she get this shit from?:

-So I totally forgot to tell you with all my car bullshit going on that my laptop might blow. Yeah it's one of those ones from Dell where the battery could catch on fire and god forbid you fart at the same time, there might be a serious explosion!

Um….TMI liz?:

-So basically I am writing this because I was one of those people who had to leave poop in the toilet.

Don’t hold back Liz:

-Because when I first moved here, I was all about being overly friendly and nice to people. Now I'm over it.

Liz is very descripitive:

-So I carefully explained to them that I needed tubing that would fit over something like a condom.

Liz is a scientist and knows her shit:

-I tried to clearly explain to her that adding color to it would not fix the brown. Because colors don't go backwards.

-Sure it tastes like pool water, but that just makes your insides cleaner and a little lighter looking (Michael Jackson drinks lots of pool water).

Um…you don’t just come out and say that kind of shit Liz:

-Speaking of we doing in that department everyONE?

Do not drink and blog:

-Something is Not RIGHT HERE!
Either the blog time is wrong or my computer is wrong. But it looks like we are two minutes off of reality.let me think about that for a second.....No..........realistically, its more like a year and a half! Grrrr.Thats two blogs against my will. .... do ya'll want to see Scary Me? Cuz it really is scarier than scary becky and scary joyce......I'll let you think on that one....let me know if you want scary me to come out and play.
posted by Mexico Way @
3:22 AM 3 comments links to this post

I'm protesting Joyce's demand for a new blog. So no blog for you! No no no! Now don't you dare look at the time this was posted. OK ! No blogggy doggy for you you you!Adios!P.S. I think I had that same illness you had there joycee except mine lasted like 5 minutes and I was quickly relieved. God it sucks. So i feel for you. P.S.S. I fooled you. There is no ps.s.s.s.s..s.s.! You thought wrong!HAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa. With an H not a J. Fooled ya. Thought I was someone else didn't ya!?
posted by Mexico Way @
3:18 AM 2 comments links to this post

Liz DOES NOT have a temper:

-So needless to say, I spazzed out like a psycho.

-He had this idiot loser look on his face that I was about to slap off with the 25 lb weight in my hand.

-I'm going to jail one day. I can just see it.

-Oh and also me vale verga. That's one of my favorites. Say that to a man and he will protest that a woman shouldn't say things like that. It's at that point that I punch them in the face and say, wake up, I don't do your laundry, make you dinner or let you pay my way, so I can say whatever I well want dammit. My mommy would be proud.....

Liz knows how to behave like an adult:

-I am not pleased to say that I gave one of my gloves to Gerry so he and I could beat the kids up to get more candy when it did break open. I was kind of half joking but Gerry apparently took this very seriously. When the candy went flying, he went running, and he was calling me to get in there. So as adult-and-grown-up-like as I am, I was like OK!!!! and before you know it I was on the ground with the rest of them grabbing as much candy as I could!

If that wasn't bad enough, Gerry and I weren't feeling childish enough, so we decided to roast the mini marshmallows we got on the BBQ and since that was too slow a process, we decided that torching them with a lighter and blowing the flame out was the best way to go about it. We also did a few trades (I'll trade you this gross chili candy for your Bubu Lubu) and we were not very eager to share our candy with the lame adults who didn't want to embarrass themselves by acting like children and scrounging for candy, but that wanted the candy never-the-less.

Liz on controlling her temper:

-There's lots of other crap going on but you know. I'll just yell at the wall or something.

Liz covering up the fact that she took the name of the Lord our God in VAIN:

-In desperation to cover my ass because I had obviously sinned right there in front of him and out loud too, I said, Jesus is pretty lucky. I would be so freakin flattered if people yelled out my name whenever they were pissed off.And I said my first and last name out loud in a pissed off way and slammed my fist on the table.

Liz is an Expert on being a lazy blogger:

-Thursday, November 16, 2006
This is my update
Because I thought I should do one.

Liz is a comedian:

-Speaking of balls. Why is it that here in Mexico when you read a menu for ice says:-1 Ball $30 pesos-2 Balls $50 pesosIf I knew it was that easy to just buy a pair of balls, I would have bought them a long time ago.....Due to my ice cream background, my guess is that if it was "Gelato" they would be Italian balls, if it said "Helado", they would be Mexican balls and if it said "アイスクリーム" they would be Japanese balls, but you can bet you won't be getting your money's worth if you buy those ones. I've been told by my co-worker that if you buy "мороженое" balls....they are most fun to party with.So there you have it. Ball or no ball, Russian or Canadian. Take your pic...there are plenty to go around.

Liz talking to her clothes:

-My five button pants - Thank you for making going to the bathroom an adventure. I am not so sure I will wear you again when I go out partying because frankly, it was hard to deal with and it took a long time and hurt my nails.

Liz on being polite:

-The only thing I have to say to that is:
Screw manners.

Liz on complete randomness:

-Due to the computer issue at work I'm reading about a prostitute.

Liz on Q & A:

-Why do I like food so much?

-Cuz it tastes good. And feels good in my belly. Get in my belly.

Liz misbehaving:

-I should totally stir up some trouble. I'm going to go steal an 8 ball right now.

Liz should think of the titles of her blog before she posts because they can be misconstrued as some sort of sexual act:

-Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Stealing Pipes?

Hey Francine!

Are you sure there is nothing quirky about those French folk? Perhaps their stereotype is the only quirky thing about them. You know. That they are rude as hell and think their shit don't stank? How about we piss them off and tell them that Quebec wants to be a colony of France?

I'm sorry that Mexican cheese loses out. But I'm sure Mexican plumbing is far superior to the plumbing in France.

Boy I'm sarcastic today.

And funny.

And sexy.

And hot.

Friday, August 24, 2007

I've Been Rated Inappropriate for Children Under 13

I'm not sure why. Kids at the age of 13 and younger probably have a potty mouth worse than I do.....


Do you remember that post I made called "Palabra A Tu Madre"? Well just in case you guys wanted to take it a little bit farther, Mexpat had this to say and provided a link that may be of interest:

mexpat said...
I ran across this and thought of your little list here. Of course, yours is funny and this one is sort of just a reference, but I thought it was interesting nonetheless.

ps- Glad you made it through Dean with no trouble.

11:13 AM, August 23, 2007

Another comment that I got which I also appreciate is below. It was connected to the post, "All Is Well Here & Dean Continues His Path".

Anonymous said...
Hey there, I'm also an expat (mexican) living far away from home in a strange country (France). I'm glad Cancun, Tulúm and the rest of the "turistic" places weren't badly hit (I read this morning that Chichen, Uxmal, etc. made it ok)... what can I say? As your friend said, the only news we get here is about Cancun and other vacation-leaflet "worthy" cities. I have family in Mérida, hope they're ok, haven't heard from them but maybe the internet is down. Great blog by the way... love reading about my fellowmen's excentricities seen through the eyes of an extremely eloquent person! :) Hang in there!

7:08 AM, August 22, 2007

I have to say I appreciate this comment in more ways than one. If I read correctly, you are a Mexican living in France (I don't know about your french but your English kicks ass by the way). That must be the coolest thing. Or maybe not because it could be extremely difficult. Two very strong cultures coming together as one. Would love to know if you have a blog and could share it with the rest of us??? As Joyce mentioned in her comment to you, don't worry about family in Merida, I'm sure they got a lot less than we did and I'm most certain that your theory about the internet being down is probably true. Either that or CFE disconnected the power just because they felt like it. Hey, it happens. Thank you for the comment on my blog. I hope you continue to read and I hope I get a giggle or two out of you. So tell me, is the cheese better in France or Mexico?

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

All Is Well Here & Dean Continues His Path

Looks like we escaped the wrath of Dean which is good for us but not so good for those south of us in the area of Chetumal ("Cheetomall" as news reporters like to call it). Here is where it's at right now:
I haven't put my satellite back up or checked the internet yet but I'm sure it's bad. I guess there is no way to really tell unless you watch some LOCAL news stations because like Joyce says, unless Cancun got destroyed, no one cares about the rural areas.

I am quite tired but that's because I stayed up late talking with everyone about what was going on. I had a couple of annoyances with people's stupidity last night. One person asked if I was boarding up the windows. Um, it's dark, I'm not exactly capable of doing it alone while it's rainy and windy and about 3 hours away from when it should get pretty serious. The other stupid thing was an email asking if I was ok and to email ASAP. Uh. If I wasn't ok, and it was bad, how do you suppose I email ya? And thanks for emailing me in the midst of it. We've known about this for a week. How about you pick up the phone two days ago to get a report on where I am with the preps? Also, get a map and learn where the hell Cancun is in relation to the Yucatan. Guess what folks, just cuz it's Mexico, doesn't mean it's Cancun. Lordy. You would think people would learn a thing or two from Wilma. But instead, they just piss you off with their ignorance and then get uppidy when you try and tell them otherwise. Whatever.

Don't ask me how the beaches are either. Because my first priority is not to run out there and see so that I can hit them this weekend. I guess I'm just bitter from Wilma. It was pretty bad and I don't know. Lots of people are obviously oblivious to it. Either that or they are oblivious to how hurricanes work and how to prepare and that sort of thing. Just take my word for it, if I say it's pretty tame out there, don't argue with me because you are in Canada watching the weather channel showing satellites of a cat 5 hurricane that is not in our path. and you KNOW BETTER!

Ok. Sorry for the rant.

Here are all three of the kids late last night just waiting it out together peacefully. Birds of a feather....

Here's a video clip from the same perspective as yesterday to survey the damage. Bottom line, there isn't any. Someone lost the lid to their tinaco because they didnt' screw it on tight. No biggie:

And this is this morning. We have green in the hood so we are in the good!

This is down my street. There are some big puddles but nothing major. All is well.

I thought this area would be seriously flooded but it's just fine thank god:

Diesel was able to go out for number 1 and and 2 but he stuck to the sidewalk where it was dry:

I can only hope that those feeling the effects of Hurricane Dean are hanging in there. It's scary stuff. I'll be thinking of you.

Thanks for checking in.

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Monday, August 20, 2007

I'm confused

It got scary for like 5 minutes and then calmed down some.

The only obnoxious thing is the people blasting music and singing (screaming to it while drunk) and the people upstairs leaving their inside doors open so that they bang and echo throughout the building. They of course, are not there.

In the meantime I've been chatting and talking with friends and trying to watch that stupid movie Norbit. Glad I downloaded it for FREE. Cuz it's not worth a cent.

More rain now.

The stupid banging continues....


Strong Winds & Rain

Ok the winds just got a lot stronger and it's raining now. Heard some crashes and some banging from upstairs. Don't know what that means but I still have power.

Was a little scary but just calmed a little bit. Still strong but not as frightening.

I go now. Friends are texting me.


Maybe I'm Blogging Too Much Now?

I took my dish down today so I don't have t.v. Oh wait. I could watch local t.v. in Becky's room if I want. Instead I just keep checking the satellites on the internet and all the projected paths. Apparently there is a curfew so at 8:00 pm I better not go out. Like I was going to anyways! DOH!

You'd think that by now we'd have rain but we had a beautiful sunset and still no rain.

Kristin has called a couple of times. She's anxious just as everyone else is. I should probably put a movie in my laptop and just sit back and relax but instead I'm checking checking checking and chatting and talking on the phone and sending text messages.

I have a feeling this will be very Ivan-Like in that people prepared pretty well and then it was a dud. I mean not a dud for EVERYONE but a dud for those in Cancun (thank the lord).

Wait. Telephone.

Ok. I'm back. It was Eric. We were pretending that we couldn't handle the storm anymore and were screaming above the sound of the strong winds.

La la la. Waiting waiting waiting.


Dodging Dean?

Looks like we may be dodging a bullet. I think the prayers of everyone are working. Not so good for those south of us though.
These are computer generate predictions of where the hurricane will go:

Predicted path of Hurricane Dean:

The most impressive is the satellite image:

All is well on the home front. Just waiting it out. People are still covering their windows and drilling holes into the side of their homes to keep the boards secured. The unfortunate part is that a lot of people don't know what the heck they are doing and this will do everyone else more damage than good since they will just go flying off and become death objects.

I parked my car between my building and the building next door so hopefully my car will escape unscathed this time. It might be sitting in a bit of water if we get a lot of rain but beyond that, lets hope the wall it's next to doesn't crumble onto it!

The weather isn't that bad yet as you can see:

So here I am. Satellite dish down and waiting waiting waiting.


My Street Before Hurricane Dean

Thought I'd take a quick video clip of my street before Hurricane Dean hits just to get an idea of a before and after. Though it appears to be hitting south of us we may get a lot of rain and our streets may be flooded. From what I was told, people were flooded up to their windows on the bottom floor when Wilma hit.

As you can see, it's quite nice out and not windy at all. The people across the street have boarded up their windows and the people on the corner are working on that right now. For now, all is calm, but that should change late tonight, early tomorrow morning.

And just for fun here's a bad quality video clip of Moco doing whatever she can to get a stupid crumpled piece of paper from the damn garbage bin:

Sunday, August 19, 2007

What They Think of Hurricane Dean

As we wait for Hurricane Dean to either hit or miss us, it appears that not all of us are as worried as the rest of us:

It's not my couch anymore:

A box does wonders and costs nothing:

Blue is the name of Diesel's new stuffed friend. It looks like Dirty may be on the outs as Blue has a lot more useful stuffing in it:

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Saturday, August 18, 2007

Waiting for Dean

I suppose if I was really horny and waiting for Dean it would be a good thing. HAHA.

Except Dean is a hurricane and I don't like him already. His wife or girlfriend or mistress Wilma was a serious Biatch. I guess anyone within the Hurricane family sucks big time but I guess every once in a while you are going to run into one of them. I didn't like Ivan or Emily either and from what I hear, that Gilbert was a jerk as well.

I have pretty much all of my supplies in check and just need to take down my satellite dish and do a few more things tomorrow and Monday but for the most part I'm good to go.

Not so much worried about the hurricane itself. Just not looking forward to the aftermath.

Keep praying. It might go south of us right now. I think you're doing awesome so keep it up!

P.S. Thanks Joyce. Won't be the same without you. I should stick our City Club card on the window to ward off bad hurricane ju ju.


Friday, August 17, 2007

Hurricane Lane

So Hurricane Dean is on his way. I'm pissed. You know we were just getting over Wilma and now all those feelings are all rushing back.

Right now it's too early to tell if we will be spared or not but never-the-less we are getting ready the best way we know how.

Last night we went shopping for food and things like candles, batteries, tarp, flashlights etc. I was made fun of by a couple of people because it's SO FAR AWAY! I say shove it and mind your business and don't come a knockin when you ain't got no food or water.

Anyhoo, here's some sites that you can keep an eye on as this thing progresses:


And of COURSE the National Hurricane Center:

If you want my home line to call me while I don't have power and entertain me, let me know.

Otherwise, pray. Pray hard. A little wind, a little rain .... no hay problema. Another Wilma? No thanks.

Oh and to those back home, just stay in touch with me, and don't give me any advice about how I should flee the country or anything like that. I know it's just an excuse to get me to come back and in case you haven't noticed, it hasn't worked so far. I'm stubborn and I'm surprised you haven't figured it out yet! Shame on you!



Monday, August 13, 2007

Another Forwarded Email From Mom

Should children witness childbirth?

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded,

"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place ...........................................

smack his ass again!"

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Friday, August 10, 2007

Palabra A Tu Madre

Word to your mother.

My friend and co-worker Lisa Love told us a story about her friend back home who wanted to know how to say "word to your mother" in Spanish. The direct translation is Palabra a Tu Madre. Now if you go to any Spanish speaking person and say "Palabra a Tu Madre", they will look at you like you're retarded.

So for no good reason we were talking about "pinching a loaf" and thought it would be funny to translate into Spanish:

Pinching a loaf = Pedescar el Bimbo

We like that one a lot.

So I thought I'd take it to another level and do a few more:

A diamond in the rough = Un diamante en el mierda
A diamond is forever = Un diamante dura hasta la chingada
Call of the wild = Llama de la chupacabra
Charley horse = Carlos caballo
Floozie in the jacuzzi = Puta en el cenote
Hit the hay = Pelear con la hierba
Hush puppies = Callate perritos
Much ado about nothing = Haciendo un chingo para nada
Off the record = Apaga el disco
Once in a blue moon = Una vez tu culo fue azul
Road rage = Calle enojona
Take the cake = Robar el pastel
The last straw = El ultimo popote
The seven year itch = Necesitas ir al doctor para eso
Three sheets to the windo = Tres sabanas estan perdidos en el viento
Touchy-Feely = Pervertido
Vanish into thin air = No debes fumar no mas marijuana guey
Mea culpa = Es mi pinche problema
No way Jose = No mames Jose!
No playing with a full deck = No juegas en un patio lleno
Pipe down = Pipa abajo
Pipe dream = Pipa sueño
Piping hot = Pipa caliente
Word up = Palabra arriba
Fuck that = Coge eso!
Screw you = Tornillo tu!
Word to big bird = Palabra a el pajaro grande
Piss like a racehorse = Hacer pipi como caballo rapido
Pissed off = Pipi apagado

Ok if I think of more I'll let you know. I still think "Pedescar el Bimbo" is the best. If you have any, let me know and I'll add them to the list!


Monday, August 06, 2007

I Quit Drinking

My name is Elizabeth. And I'm not an alcoholic. But when I go out to have a good time I tend to drink. And drink. And drink. And as a result, I burned a pot and feel like shit.

Don't ask about the burnt pot. I'm just gonna throw it out I think. Dammit.

What's worse is how I feel and how much I ate and how much I wasted yesterday. I mean sure it's nice to stay in bed all day but not ALL day. So yeah I think I'm going to stick to the simple things like the movies and dinner or bowling or something silly like that. CAN drink and bowl here too.....

I forgot to mention, I booked my trip to Vancouver in September and I'm so ready to go. I need to get me some family done ice cream. The kind that satisfies. The kind where I can go and scoop it my damn self. I'll take a home-made waffle cone with chocolate, coconut and raspberry ice. I'll also have some pear ice and whatever else is left in the freezer because I'm that desperate for some good ice cream. I mean I can pay $20 for a Haagen Dazs but it doesn't even compare. So instead I go to McDonalds and get McFlurries. In the end there really isn't even any ice cream left because it's covered in M&M's or Chocolate Kisses or Oreo cookies. It's good but it's not the good 'ol family gelato.

So now that I've talked about ice cream. Lets talk about pickles. Because you cannot get normal dill pickles here and it just drives me nuts. I once bought that giant plastic jar of pickles in costco but they were so salty and mushy and weren't dill and they sucked. And then when I thought I found a small jar of normal pickles they turned out sweet and I gave them away. That freakin stupid jar cost me $5. Talk about desperation. So if you want dill pickles get yourself to Soriana because they have them in bulk.

Ok I seriously have to stop writing. Ice cream and pickles? WTF is wrong with me? Y'all (been hanging around too many Texans) going to think I'm pregnant or something. It would be impossible for the record. So shush.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Just Cuz

I suppose I'm behind in updating this. Hey wait don't I say that all the time?

So my satellite t.v. went out. And I'm such a go-to-girl that I thought I could fix it myself. But yeah no that didn't happen and apparently whatever I did screwed it up enough for the guy to take the box away and download a new file to it. I can only 1) pray that he does as he says and b) that it works. Lets not forget c) that it not only works, but it doesn't take him a year to bring it back. And I was just starting to like my trashy t.v. and learn all about what trashy programs are on. Dammit.

Rosco is in worse shape than I thought and is causing some problems for the neighbours and me in fact. I don't want to go into details so I'll just leave it at that.

I've taken up boogie boarding (nice transition there liz) and boy I love it so. It beats roasting on the beach and doing nothing thinking about crap I don't want to think about. Althought I'm sure that a lot of people would be upset that I just said that because lying on the beach in itself is pretty damn awesome. I've been doing it for so long now (poor me) that it's kind of mundane now. But I've changed that and I'm taking advantage of the ocean and the wind and thoroughly enjoying it.

Had a flood this morning. Couldn't figure out where it came from. Then Becky looked at the garrafon and lo and behold it was coming from the water cooler. When you have a water cooler and a water jug that has a crack or a hole in it, it pushes the water out and it ends up all over your floor. Lovely right? I thought so.

Is this blog long enough? I sure hope so cuz I can't think of anything else to say right now but I felt like it was time to blog. LOL.

Have a good one!