A Blast From The Past

Here are some of the more intelligent things I’ve said since I’ve started writing this blog:

Liz has a drinking problem:

-I drank and I drank and I drank and I kept wondering why I was still standing. So I drank more and more and more.


Liz on the after-effects of drinking (apparently she hasn’t learned her lesson):

-Sunday, July 23, 2006
I'm hung over...
...and I'm not sure if it was even worth it. That sucks.

_______________________

-Monday, August 06, 2007
I Quit Drinking
My name is Elizabeth. And I'm not an alcoholic.

Liz on her love for sauerkraut:

-I grabbed that jar and felt like hiding it under my portobello mushrooms.


Liz and her inability to speak proper English:

-I am the most wisdomest in the world!

Liz’s take on thinking before you piss someone off:

-The next time you want to piss in someone's cornflakes on a Monday morning, think twice. Because I gots the voodoo (JJ says I do) and I will put some shit on yo ass!

Liz loves her pets:

-My pets are all destructive.

-Moco is a pain in the culo.

Liz doesn’t like the “yuck man”???:

-Cuz you know the yuck man at the stupid electrical place pretty much ignored me. Thanks for the great service there asshole!

Where the hell does she get this shit from?:

-So I totally forgot to tell you with all my car bullshit going on that my laptop might blow. Yeah it's one of those ones from Dell where the battery could catch on fire and god forbid you fart at the same time, there might be a serious explosion!


Um….TMI liz?:

-So basically I am writing this because I was one of those people who had to leave poop in the toilet.

Don’t hold back Liz:

-Because when I first moved here, I was all about being overly friendly and nice to people. Now I'm over it.

Liz is very descripitive:

-So I carefully explained to them that I needed tubing that would fit over something like a condom.

Liz is a scientist and knows her shit:

-I tried to clearly explain to her that adding color to it would not fix the brown. Because colors don't go backwards.

-Sure it tastes like pool water, but that just makes your insides cleaner and a little lighter looking (Michael Jackson drinks lots of pool water).

Um…you don’t just come out and say that kind of shit Liz:

-Speaking of shit....how we doing in that department everyONE?

Do not drink and blog:

-Something is Not RIGHT HERE!
Either the blog time is wrong or my computer is wrong. But it looks like we are two minutes off of reality.let me think about that for a second.....No..........realistically, its more like a year and a half! Grrrr.Thats two blogs against my will. .... do ya'll want to see Scary Me? Cuz it really is scarier than scary becky and scary joyce......I'll let you think on that one....let me know if you want scary me to come out and play.
posted by Mexico Way @ 3:22 AM 3 comments links to this post

-Strike!
I'm protesting Joyce's demand for a new blog. So no blog for you! No no no! Now don't you dare look at the time this was posted. OK ! No blogggy doggy for you you you!Adios!P.S. I think I had that same illness you had there joycee except mine lasted like 5 minutes and I was quickly relieved. God it sucks. So i feel for you. P.S.S. I fooled you. There is no ps.s.s.s.s..s.s.! You thought wrong!HAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa. With an H not a J. Fooled ya. Thought I was someone else didn't ya!?
posted by Mexico Way @ 3:18 AM 2 comments links to this post

Liz DOES NOT have a temper:

-So needless to say, I spazzed out like a psycho.

-He had this idiot loser look on his face that I was about to slap off with the 25 lb weight in my hand.

-I'm going to jail one day. I can just see it.

-Oh and also me vale verga. That's one of my favorites. Say that to a man and he will protest that a woman shouldn't say things like that. It's at that point that I punch them in the face and say, wake up, I don't do your laundry, make you dinner or let you pay my way, so I can say whatever I well want dammit. My mommy would be proud.....

Liz knows how to behave like an adult:

-I am not pleased to say that I gave one of my gloves to Gerry so he and I could beat the kids up to get more candy when it did break open. I was kind of half joking but Gerry apparently took this very seriously. When the candy went flying, he went running, and he was calling me to get in there. So as adult-and-grown-up-like as I am, I was like OK!!!! and before you know it I was on the ground with the rest of them grabbing as much candy as I could!

If that wasn't bad enough, Gerry and I weren't feeling childish enough, so we decided to roast the mini marshmallows we got on the BBQ and since that was too slow a process, we decided that torching them with a lighter and blowing the flame out was the best way to go about it. We also did a few trades (I'll trade you this gross chili candy for your Bubu Lubu) and we were not very eager to share our candy with the lame adults who didn't want to embarrass themselves by acting like children and scrounging for candy, but that wanted the candy never-the-less.

Liz on controlling her temper:

-There's lots of other crap going on but you know. I'll just yell at the wall or something.

Liz covering up the fact that she took the name of the Lord our God in VAIN:

-In desperation to cover my ass because I had obviously sinned right there in front of him and out loud too, I said, Jesus is pretty lucky. I would be so freakin flattered if people yelled out my name whenever they were pissed off.And I said my first and last name out loud in a pissed off way and slammed my fist on the table.


Liz is an Expert on being a lazy blogger:

-Thursday, November 16, 2006
This is my update
Because I thought I should do one.

Liz is a comedian:

-Speaking of balls. Why is it that here in Mexico when you read a menu for ice cream...it says:-1 Ball $30 pesos-2 Balls $50 pesosIf I knew it was that easy to just buy a pair of balls, I would have bought them a long time ago.....Due to my ice cream background, my guess is that if it was "Gelato" they would be Italian balls, if it said "Helado", they would be Mexican balls and if it said "アイスクリーム" they would be Japanese balls, but you can bet you won't be getting your money's worth if you buy those ones. I've been told by my co-worker that if you buy "мороженое" balls....they are most fun to party with.So there you have it. Ball or no ball, Russian or Canadian. Take your pic...there are plenty to go around.

Liz talking to her clothes:

-My five button pants - Thank you for making going to the bathroom an adventure. I am not so sure I will wear you again when I go out partying because frankly, it was hard to deal with and it took a long time and hurt my nails.

Liz on being polite:

-The only thing I have to say to that is:
GOBBILLY GOOKIDDY GOOO!
Screw manners.

Liz on complete randomness:

-Due to the computer issue at work I'm reading about a prostitute.


Liz on Q & A:

-Why do I like food so much?

-Cuz it tastes good. And feels good in my belly. Get in my belly.

Liz misbehaving:

-I should totally stir up some trouble. I'm going to go steal an 8 ball right now.

Liz should think of the titles of her blog before she posts because they can be misconstrued as some sort of sexual act:

-Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Stealing Pipes?