Pajaro Sucio

= Dirty Birdy

"Seven Random or Weird Things About You"

Thanks Canuck! I'm sure she does this just to annoy me. But I need a distraction so I will humor you!

So here are only 7 of millions of weird things about me:

1) Squeeze the sponge out after you do the dishes. It stresses me out that you've left it all wet with bacteria growing in it in the sink.

2) I clench my jaw when I'm stressed out or often when I'm sleeping.

3) I can pick my nose with my tongue and touch my chin with my tongue. Yeah....I know yer totally jealous!

4) There is a certain way to pile up the dirty dishes. You must pile them MY way.

5) I like to sniff my pets.

6) In fact, I like to sniff a lot of things, including my shoes...you know to make sure they are funktified just right. Or even my old nasty boxing gloves. They bring back good memories and get the adrenalin pumpin.

7) It's more likely that I'll get pissed off and angry instead of crying. I was told that I behave more like a man because I am like this. My answer was, "At least I have more balls than you!". Isn't this often the case when someone says something jerky to you?

Hey Rivergirl

We must be on the same wave-length.

My post below had to do with the fact that I drove to the gym in the morning yesterday and smelled rotten sewage. Actually this particular part always smells like that. Just what I want to smell first thing in the morning!

Then on the way back, there's a certain section where there are always aguas negras, and it smells like shit there too.

Friends who smell shit together, must stay together. LOL!

MMmmmmm

There's nothing like the smell of raw sewage first thing in the mornin'.

That'll Teach Him a Lesson!

Mexican donkey freed after acting like a jackass

Blacky jailed for three days for biting, kicking two men ‘like it was rabid’

May 22nd, 2008
Article Credit: MSNBC World News

TUXTLA GUTIERREZ, Mexico - A Mexican donkey has been freed from jail after doing time for acting like a jackass.

The Televisa network on Wednesday showed Blacky gobbling food from a bucket after spending three days in a jail that normally holds people for public drunkenness and other disturbances.

Blacky was jailed for biting and kicking two men near a ranch outside Tuxtla Gutierrez, the capital of the southern state of Chiapas.

Officials freed the donkey after its owner paid a fine of $36 and the $115 hospital bill of the men, who suffered bites to the chest and a broken ankle. Authorities say he also must pay $480 to each man for missed work days.

The victims said the donkey bit Genaro Vazquez, 63, in the chest on Sunday and then kicked 52-year-old Andres Hernandez as he tried to come to the rescue, fracturing his ankle.

"All of a sudden, the animal was on top of us like it was rabid," Hernandez said.

Police said it took a half-dozen men to control the enraged beast.

Chiapas police have thrown animals in the slammer before, including a bull that devoured corn crops and destroyed two wooden vending stands in March.

In 2006, a dog was locked up for 12 days after biting someone. His owners were fined $18.

For Kristin

I swear I only use them to take the dog out! They are comfy tho....

Meet Hybrid

You may recall that in my post entitled "Tidbits", I mentioned having to perform an emergency surgery on Diesel's stuffed animal "Blue".

You see, Diesel finally broke the seal and was ripping out poor Blue's stuffing. This was at first kinda funny and not such a bad thing at first. But after picking up Blue's guts all over the house, over and over and over again, I finally decided that this probably wasn't the safest, nor most satisfying friend Diesel could have. Just look at poor Blue's guts. Diesel can't even look at him!:



Like the good mommy that I am, I decided to buy Diesel a new friend! But not just any friend! A popular friend! Tigger from Pooh-landia (AKA = Caca-Tierria) was now going to be Diesel's bestest friend eva!

Yeah right! For like 2 seconds and 2 seconds only! After hiding whatever was left of Blue in the corner where Diesel couldn't get to it, Diesel looked longingly and sadly after the love of his life, Blue. He was just STARING at his baby, in the corner. Thinking to himself... "Nobody puts baby in a corner!".

I tried to stay strong but my heart was breaking. Tigger didn't replace Blue like I wanted him to. So what's a girl to do!?

IMPROVISE!

Roommate helped out with this one and thank god because it certainly was a 2 person job with all sorts of technical stuff involved.




We ripped the rest of the damn stuffing out of Blue, sliced him up the middle, and then stuffed Tigger inside!


Diesel doesn't know the difference. As you can see he's all tuckered out from playing with his new friend "Hybrid".

With any luck, Blue's disgusting outer shell can be secretly thrown in the trash, and Tigger can take over as new bestest friend.

Whew.

The things we do....

HEY JERKOFF! or "Jergoves" Plural

When driving....

YOU CANNOT. I Repeat! You CANNOT just turn on your fucking blinkers and stop wherever the fuck you please!

ESPECIALLY THE EDGE OF A CORNER WHERE I WANT TO TURN INTO.

YOU ALL DO THIS WAY TOO OFTEN AND TAXI DRIVERS! YOU TOO GOSH DARNIT! YOU CANNOT, I REPEAT CANNOT JUST STOP WHEREVER THE FRIG YOU LIKE TO PICK SOMEONE UP OR DROP THEM OFF. That includes, BUSES, tour vans, and women drivers!

(And no I have not eaten yet and YES I am tired. Who the hell asked you! Smarty pants!)

Yalk-Ku Who?

A couple of weeks ago some fabulous friends of mine took me to a cenote they wanted me to see. With all the cenotes around Cancun, I've probably only seen a couple. Shame on me! I really enjoyed cenote Ik-Kil which I saw on the way to Chichen Itzen and hoped that this one was similar!

We left early (9 is early to me!) and headed on down the highway. I sang to Luis Miguel because don't you know, I actually can sing JUST LIKE HIM! Anyhoo. We were going to stop and take a look at Aktun-Chen but decided it was too expensive for just a stop-in so we headed right to cenote Yal-Ku. I must tell you I said the name about 100 times that day. Except instead of saying Yal-Ku, I thought I would say Yakult...you know the little shots you drink that taste citrus-like but have the good bacteria for your tummies? Yes? No? We won't go?

Anyhoo, I rented the works...... life-vest, snorkel, mask and flippers. I don't remember the price because I just handed my wallet to amiga to let her pay for me. I was too busy eating my 59 peso Sun Chips!!!!! It was worth it. I was desesperada for them. They were sooooooooooo fabulous btw.

It seems that all around the area they have all sorts of metal statues. I am not sure if I liked them or not. Sometimes "all-natural" is prettier than adding metal crap to paradise....but the jury is still out on this one. Some of them were interesting. Some of them confused me. Some statues were hermaphrodite-like.

When I finally saw the cenote I was super wowed. The color of blue against the green jungle and the rock formations were super pretty!!! There is a mix of fresh water and a salt water. The fresh water is from the cenote and the salt water is from the opening to the ocean. When you get closer to the ocean you will start to see a fuzzy blur in the water from the fresh and salt water mixing.

Anyhow, I really enjoyed my time there. I repeated "Ohhh Fishy!" over and over again through my snorkel and sang as I putted along under water (seriously....I did!). The snorkelling there was fabulous when we went and the fish are super duper friendly! We saw so many fish and so many different types and the best is that they are not skiddish because they are around people so much. I also really liked looking at the cave formations underwater and going through the narrow passageways.

There are also some OVER friendly iguanas. Since Yal-Ku is considered a sort of cheap "Xel-Ha" or "Xcaret", a lot of people bring their lunches. Iguanas like yer lunches!

Anyhooo! Thanks friends for taking me! I shall return I shall!

Now here are some pics:

Talk Louder, I'll Understand You Better

Recently I had to make a phone call where I had no choice but to speaken ze "Español". While I don't have a terrible problem with this, I start to have issues when it is imperative that I understand everything that that person is telling me. It's bad enough that some instructions are hard to understand in English. It is only made worse, when they are in Spanish, and there is vocabulary thrown in that I've never heard before.

However, Dear Readers, this is not my biggest pet peeve.

My biggest pet peeve is that when you say, "No entiendo" which means "I don't understand" or something to the effect of "I'm confused", the person that is trying to speak with you instantly turns into the devil.

Yes, they have horns, and a spike for a tail and most importantly, they have fire spewing from their mouths.

You know how we cringe when we hear tourist in Wal-Mart speaking to local workers and they speak really slowly and REALLY loudly? You know how we get really irritated and think that they are rude and obnoxious tourists?

Well. I get it now! I totally can dig it! I want to be spoken to slowly, and loudly when I don't understand. Because it sure beats the alternative!

What's the alternative you say? (Some of you already know the answer)

The alternative is, having the person/devil repeat the same shit over and over again without any sort of variation to what they are saying. They will repeat the exact same words that you didn't understand in the first place, in the exact same way they said it the first, second and third time that you didn't understand it.

Instead of trying to help you out by guessing which words I probably wouldn't understand or explaining it in a different way, I get the same Blah Blah Blah Ginger as I did the first time.

In addition to that, they have this excellent way of speaking quieter so that it's even harder for you to understand and speaking FASTER on top of it so that every single word is blended into one giant one.

How many times have you politely asked that someone tell you again but "mas despacio" (slower) this time because Spanish is not your first language? Lots I'm sure of it! How many times did they giggle in an understanding manner and say the first two words slowly to downright FOOL YOU before picking up the pace and metamorphosing into Speedy Gonzales of the mouth? You need not tell me. I KNOW the answer.

Growing up in Canada I was always around people who had English as a second language. I became an expert on anticipating their needs, or what they wanted to say and doing my best to help them out. If it means I had to jump around like a monkey to help them out, then I would do that. Heck, I still do that now so that people can understand me when I don't know how to say something in Spanish. I have no shame, it's all good.

Anyhow, I was also very good at reminding myself that if I said a big word like "supercalifragiliciousexpialidocious", that this newbie to the English language, might not know what it means, and I would try to explain it in a different way. Perhaps I would explain it like so: "It means, it's super, like special, and big, and tasty, and explosive and delicious". You see how I try? I am also guilty of changing up my English so it sounds like English is my second or third language you know, so it sounds like I'm the immigrant and not them. But I do it to help whomever it is I am trying to communicate with, understand. I'm kind that way you see.

Unfortunately, every little once in a while.....I will be challenge by the devil. He will try to make me eat the apple. I will not. I will prevail. I don't need your stinkin apples! I mean.......ahem...... wrong story. So yeah! He will try and make me not understand. But silly devil! I know that Trix are for kids and I have backup (friends that speak better Spanish than moi)!

So there you go. Independence and self sufficiency.....Down the tube!

Damn devils. Always out to get me and make me weaker!

Scuddymunya!

Boo ya!








Oh. Sorry about the "scuddymunya".....I was trying to be devilish and use a word that I KNEW you wouldn't understand. How did I do? Did "Boo ya" throw ya off too? Wow. The things you learn from the devil. I tell ya.

Happy Mother's Day!

This is an older pic, in one of my first apartments in Cancun. But it's cute minus the fact that I hate how i look. Mom is looking great as always!

Happy Mom's Day Lady!

Love yer daughter!

Shoe Jerks

I've had a pair of shoes sitting in my closet for the last 5 months. The rubber end of the heel came off and I need new ball pads or whatever you call em put on. They have been sitting in my closet for one reason and one reason only. Because I can't bare to go to that horribly awful shoe repair place in Mercado 28. Sure sometimes they fix things and they do a great job. But the lack of organization and unprofessional manner in which they treat people is so horrid that I'd rather leave the shoes in my closet.

That was until my good friend offered to take them for me since she had to go there anyway. She also kinda knows them or they know her by face, and I figured if she did it, she'd get them back in a timely manner.

So she brought them and told me it would be 100 pesos, that she paid and that they'd be ready the next day. I ask if they gave her some sort of receipt and of course they didn't.

So lovely friend goes the next day. Shoes are not ready and not only that, they apparently did not mark down that she paid. But not to worry, supposedly the chicken scratch on the bottom of one of the shoes with my name on it is enough.

Since I haven't really gone myself at this point, I'm not AS upset. Although I'm thinking, boy my friend is so freakin nice! Thank god I have nice friends!

So the nice friend goes the next day, after the day they said they'd be ready. And low and behold.....NOT F'N ready! SURFUCKINRPRISE!

Ok so nice friend is nice but now she's going out of town. So it's my turn to step up to the plate and deal with my own freakin shoes. I mean this small favor wasn't meant to extend like this but thats the way shit works here right? Anyways, they MUST be ready by the 3rd day because seriously. How incompetent can these people be? (Remember I didn't take my shoes in for a REASON!)

So I pull into a parking spot. And I go to get my "sun shades" so that my stearing wheel isn't too hot to hold. You'd think the "cardboard boy" or whatever his name is would see what I'm doing and not put that nasty cardboard on my shitmobile.....but no. He puts it on anyways (cuz this makes sense with my sun shades). "Quadruple protection and all!" Anyhow, I politely roll down the window and say, thank you but it's not necessary, as you can see, I have my own "gear". Then when I go to get out.....he's holding onto my door handle and fighting with me to shut my own door. Um??? Maybe I am overly sensitive about this, but I feel rather threatened when some strange dude puts garbage cardboard on my windshield and now he's opening my door and trying to shut it and not letting me lock my own car. I had to tell him I could do it, and that it was my car and I was capable of dealing with it myself. I said it in my normal bitch tone (friends know this tone like the back of their hand) so I thought he would "get it". But you know, of course when I came back to my car, there was still garbage cardboard on it. I mean really. I get you want a tip, but I not only told you I didn't need the shit, but I also told you to stop touching my car, and ANNOYING me is not helping you earn shit. Erg. Anyways. :) La la la. Serenity now.

So then. I go to the shoe place. And to my delight.....as per usual, the place is a freakin mess. Shoes all over the place...shoe polish all over the place....and of course no one at the desk. There are two people waiting, 3 workers in the shop shootin the shit, and one of them has no shirt on and is gracing us with his pleasant beer belly gut. I look at the two people waiting and they aren't saying anything. Just sitting there waiting. I figure I'd do the same thing before I finally lose my mind (altho I did lose it already in the parking lot) and ask, "is there anyone here that will serve me?!". The dude says, "She's over there looking for my shoes.". I take a look and there is a woman on the floor pulling out all sorts of shoes and chucking them in a pile. She does this for the next 5 minutes while she ignores us. I am so glad that everyone's shoes are treated with such care!

She finally gives up because she can't find them, forgets the man exists.....and comes over and the lady beside me starts talking to her. They are talking for a bit and then the lady behind the counter pulls a giant bag down from the top shelf and proceeds to take out every single shoe and throw it into a new pile. She found the lady's shoes that was waiting but then got all sorts of busy ignoring me. So I walked in and was a rude bitch back and said, "Hey you, you stupid bitch. WTF is up with my shoes?".

I really didn't say that, but it was more like, I see my shoes over there and they aren't ready and this is the 3rd fricken day. She ignored me for like a minute and then she said my name which kinda cracked me up because all the gringa chicks (btw I'm CANADIAN) must have my name. Anyhow, she flat out lies to me and tells me they will be ready in 5 minutes. She doesn't tell someone to get on it, doesn't ask anyone, just LIES. I suppose I was up in her face and lying to me instead of giving me a reasonable answer is WAY freakin better!

For some reason she decides to walk over, pull them out from the pile of shoes and asks the guy about them. He said some shit about not being able to do something and comes over like its some complex thing. It was not and I said, I don't care, get it done and WHEN? The guy says an hour. (Notice how he didn't say 5 minutes?).

I tell them I will be there tomorrow and they better be ready because I don't have time to come for no reason.

That is when I went back to my car and noticed garbage cardboard still on my windshield.

I'm not going tomorrow. I'm rebelling. I know they won't even bat an eye that I don't pick my shoes up, but it's the only revenge I have. I can "pretend" my rebellion is teaching them a lesson.

Shoe Jerks!

Tidbits

I suppose if I had Twitter, I would put all my tidbits in there....but screw it. I like to break the rules.

Here are some random things:

• I'm sorry Kel Kel and Lisa Love for your losses. I am certain those fuzzy butts are with you in spirit.

• The cleaning ladies are having their morning gossip session outside the bathroom right now as we speak. Actually they were right outside the door while I peed like a racehorse. I'm telling you ... it's the tea....makes me go all the time. And I was as always, oh so glad to have an audience.

• Do you really think I've been going to the gym 5 times a week so that I can watch my breasts shrink and NOTHING ELSE?

• I had to PREform an emergency stuffed animal cloning surgery this morning. Becky was my assistant. The new and safe "Tigger" is now wrapped up in the old and nasty "Blue". Hopefully in time, Diesel will not know the difference and will realize that Blue is a distant memory. If you are completely lost, check out this link. Somewhere in there you will see a picture of "Blue". It is the stuffed animal Diesel is carrying in the picture. And on the floor is the dead "Dirty". These are Diesel's friends and stuffed animals. He likes to play with them. Originally we had to put the dead Dirty skin on top of the new Blue to make him get use to the fact that he had a new friend and so that we could throw out that nasty disgusting Dirty. Well now that Blue has had his stuffing ripped out, we need him to play with his new friend "Tigger". But he really is infatuated with Blue. So to get him to convert, we ripped out the rest of the stuffing and stuffed Tigger in it. Hopefully in a week or so we can just get rid of Blue as he will be happy with his new Friend Tigger. Now go ahead. Call me nuts. I know that's what you are thinking. But I love my pets so sue me.

• I think I am lactose intolerant or lactose sensitive. How can this be possible? I grew up eating ice cream every day of my life....well except for the last several years. Thats probably the problem. Sucks. Being bloated and gassy is not sexy.
  

• I am so behind on this whole blog thing. I have pictures and stories to tell and yet.....I haven't! I visited a cenote last Thursday that I must show you pictures of. It's super fab and if you live within the area and haven't visited yet, you are missin out big time!

• It's gettin hot out there. So take off all your clothes. I am gettin so hot, I wanna take my clothes off. Sometimes I do.....

• Do you ever watch Hell's Kitchen? Holy fucking bloody hell! Gordon Ramsay can curse like a mo fo! And mom! You thought I WAS BAD! So not.

Ok I think thats it for this second. It's time for lunch and frankly....food wins over blogging.

Ciao!

Church of Beach Worship - Playa Del Carmen

No baskets are needed when you are donating money to this church. If you look closely to the right side of this man's stomach, there is a 200 peso bill stuck to it.

Just lick and stick I guess!?

Amen to sun, ocean and sand.

I Am NOT a ROBOT!

Nor do I know how to decipher codes or ancient scripts or chicken scratch.This "Word Verification" bullshit on various websites and blogs has gotten out of hand. Fine, I get it, you want to make sure I'm not spamming or that I'm a human being, but whomever designs these word verification things needs to do a better job. How the heck am I suppose to figure out half the letters and numbers on these things when they look like the above??? I shouldn't have to guess more than once.

Goobily Gobbily Gook!