Talk Louder, I'll Understand You Better

Recently I had to make a phone call where I had no choice but to speaken ze "Español". While I don't have a terrible problem with this, I start to have issues when it is imperative that I understand everything that that person is telling me. It's bad enough that some instructions are hard to understand in English. It is only made worse, when they are in Spanish, and there is vocabulary thrown in that I've never heard before.

However, Dear Readers, this is not my biggest pet peeve.

My biggest pet peeve is that when you say, "No entiendo" which means "I don't understand" or something to the effect of "I'm confused", the person that is trying to speak with you instantly turns into the devil.

Yes, they have horns, and a spike for a tail and most importantly, they have fire spewing from their mouths.

You know how we cringe when we hear tourist in Wal-Mart speaking to local workers and they speak really slowly and REALLY loudly? You know how we get really irritated and think that they are rude and obnoxious tourists?

Well. I get it now! I totally can dig it! I want to be spoken to slowly, and loudly when I don't understand. Because it sure beats the alternative!

What's the alternative you say? (Some of you already know the answer)

The alternative is, having the person/devil repeat the same shit over and over again without any sort of variation to what they are saying. They will repeat the exact same words that you didn't understand in the first place, in the exact same way they said it the first, second and third time that you didn't understand it.

Instead of trying to help you out by guessing which words I probably wouldn't understand or explaining it in a different way, I get the same Blah Blah Blah Ginger as I did the first time.

In addition to that, they have this excellent way of speaking quieter so that it's even harder for you to understand and speaking FASTER on top of it so that every single word is blended into one giant one.

How many times have you politely asked that someone tell you again but "mas despacio" (slower) this time because Spanish is not your first language? Lots I'm sure of it! How many times did they giggle in an understanding manner and say the first two words slowly to downright FOOL YOU before picking up the pace and metamorphosing into Speedy Gonzales of the mouth? You need not tell me. I KNOW the answer.

Growing up in Canada I was always around people who had English as a second language. I became an expert on anticipating their needs, or what they wanted to say and doing my best to help them out. If it means I had to jump around like a monkey to help them out, then I would do that. Heck, I still do that now so that people can understand me when I don't know how to say something in Spanish. I have no shame, it's all good.

Anyhow, I was also very good at reminding myself that if I said a big word like "supercalifragiliciousexpialidocious", that this newbie to the English language, might not know what it means, and I would try to explain it in a different way. Perhaps I would explain it like so: "It means, it's super, like special, and big, and tasty, and explosive and delicious". You see how I try? I am also guilty of changing up my English so it sounds like English is my second or third language you know, so it sounds like I'm the immigrant and not them. But I do it to help whomever it is I am trying to communicate with, understand. I'm kind that way you see.

Unfortunately, every little once in a while.....I will be challenge by the devil. He will try to make me eat the apple. I will not. I will prevail. I don't need your stinkin apples! I mean.......ahem...... wrong story. So yeah! He will try and make me not understand. But silly devil! I know that Trix are for kids and I have backup (friends that speak better Spanish than moi)!

So there you go. Independence and self sufficiency.....Down the tube!

Damn devils. Always out to get me and make me weaker!

Scuddymunya!

Boo ya!








Oh. Sorry about the "scuddymunya".....I was trying to be devilish and use a word that I KNEW you wouldn't understand. How did I do? Did "Boo ya" throw ya off too? Wow. The things you learn from the devil. I tell ya.