Mexico "Way"

My stupid blurbs about anything and addition to the ups and downs of living in Cancun, Mexico.

Sunday, January 27, 2008


You see all sorts of things in Cancun. This one just happened to be on the beach:

Saturday, January 26, 2008

New Beach Day

I decided to check out a beach I've been meaning to check out but just hadn't gotten around to it. It's way over on the opposite end of the hotel zone right by Wet'N Wild. The water isn't GORGEOUS like it is farther in but the beach is quite nice. It's litter free (except in the brush), there are palm trees and greenery, the water is calm and it was rather quiet which I liked.

Here are some pics from the day:

View from the parking lot:

The beach (notice garbage bins):

This is the green area to the left of the beach (left if you're looking at the water):

This is a pic from the green area if you are in it and look towards Wet'N Wild:
(Do not go barefoot near any of the brush, there are small little prickly hitchikers that lodge themselves into your poor feetsies.)

Diesel Checking things out:

White Crane (if thats what it is):

Diesel in pup-tent:

Some weirdo trying to steal my dog:

Diesel mackin on the ladies:


Water View :

Crooked palm:

Ahhhhh, this is the life:

Coral Art (I made it):

Let me know if you want me to invite you next time.


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Friday, January 25, 2008

I Sure Taught Them!

It appears as though blowing up things gets you places.

Soon after I blew up the gas truck from Zeta Gas, another gas truck entered the pearly gates of our development and went straight to our apartment.

Beckla gave strict instructions to the guards at the pearly gates to send the next gas truck over to our apartment, or more violence was to come.

Within a half hour we had gas.

I have couple things to say about this:

1) Those stupid bitches (men/women I don't care, they are all liars and need to go to church and say 50,000 Our Fathers and then stop lying to poor innocent people) at every single gas company can kiss my ass. It's like you try to speak to them as a human being and they say the same shit back like a) they don't care and b) they didn't hear you, "Oh yeah well, they'll deliver TODAY between 2-4 pm". (Please see information on never saying "I Don't Know") Um, yeah well you said that Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and no one showed up. I'll be home between 2-3:30 or after. Can you please deliver at those times since you lied about the other times, and at this point, you should do whatever you can to make the customer happy? Of course the answer is, "They'll show up in the afternoon sometime.". Hey, YOU, did you not freakin hear me? You know what? OLVIDALO! CLICK. I foresee some explosions in your future.

2) I'm not calling no freakin gas company again EVER EVER including after I die and go to helleaven. From now on, we bribe the guards and tell them to send any fricken gas truck over.

3) I was NOT hanging out in Plaza 21.

4) Minshap you are a sweetheart and I thank you for your concern about the gas. Really it's more about my sanity than anything. I mean the battle isn't about the freakin gas. I'm trying to change something that isn't going to change. It's like trying to get rid of prostitution. I mean .... it's been around since B.C. so good luck with that one right!?

So now you know why I blew up the truck. And the authorities don't even care because they hate the gas companies too. They said to me, "Yeah don't do that again, but we think it's pretty funny that you did!".

I thoroughly enjoyed my super hot LONG shower last night. Oh yeah. I did.


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Expat Loses It, Blows Up Gas Truck

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Update: EMPTY

_ _ _ _


Monday, January 21, 2008

Eternally Waiting For Gas

And no, I’m not talking about the gas that you can create yourself with a diet that includes, milk, eggs, cabbage and beans. I’m talking about the other gas. Tanks of gas. Gas that you need for your house to make things work.

My issues with the gas company go back as far as my 3 month stint in Cancun. I had problems back then and they still remain. It’s like this eternal gas problem that won’t go away. It is multifaceted because it’s the same continuous problem that begins with one problem and continues until you actually get the gas delivered. It’s a problem that starts from when you run out of gas until the time you replace the tank (gas leaks not taken into consideration). I’ve used about 4 different gas companies since I’ve lived in Cancun, and all of them seem operate in an equally shitty way.

The start of the problem begins with the gas company’s phone lines. Sometimes the phone lines just don’t work. Sometimes they just ring, and sometimes you get put on the never ending hold button that does nothing but piss you off and waste your time. The best is when the gas company has several different numbers you can call and absolutely none of them work.

Should you finally have the patience to get through (I do not, that’s where Becky comes in), you are so desperate for gas (gas = hot water + cooking + dryer function) you just order instead of complain. Because at this point, they may not like you’re attitude and say, the hell with you! You don’t get any gas (gas = hot water + cooking + dryer function)!

So, after spending about 4 hours trying to call the company you FINALLY get through! It’s almost as though you’ve achieved the impossible. But don’t get too excited yet. First, you have to give all of your information about 5 times over because the girls on the other end can almost never get your information correct the first time (it’s kind of the same as ordering pizza). Once you’ve placed your order, they tell you, “We can deliver between 9am and 6pm on Saturday” (notice the large time chunk). By this time you just agree because you NEED GAS and set aside your entire day (it's dia de descanso btw) so that you can receive the coveted gold worthy super duper special gas.

So you get your money out, and you clear a path to the gas tank and you wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. And by the way, did I tell you it’s a beautiful day out and you’re plan for the entire fricken day is to wait for a stupid gas tank? I suppose it’s not that big of a deal. I mean you need the gas. Remember at the beginning of this paragraph that I said “so you get your money out”? Yeah, apparently these companies don’t give a shit about the money they can collect. Because guess what? You wasted you’re entire fricken day off waiting for a tank of gas that didn’t come and your money is still sitting on the counter!

Oh and I forgot to mention, while waiting for the gas to show up, you also tried calling the gas company for several hours. But guess what? The phones don’t work so much today EITHER!? I mean why would they? I mean who gives a shit.

So come Monday…..that patient roommate of yours calls the gas company again. And again. And again. And you know….the phone lines don’t work so much. Until………. FINALLY someone answers.

Turns out the gas company came by on Friday to pick up our gas tank so that they could fill it up and bring it back on Saturday for on-time-delivery.

Um. What?????

Interesting. No one even mentioned that this would be happening. And no one called either.

Turns out the gas company is out of 30L tanks and so they have to come and pick up your tank (which btw costs about 700 pesos), fill it up, and bring it back the next day. I love just handing over a good chunk of money to strangers and praying that they bring it back.

It might be easier to eat eggs, milk, cabbage and beans, and fart in a tank. Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s the same type of gas that will work.

But hey. I’m still out of gas, so it’s worth a try I suppose……...

Sunday, January 20, 2008

I Waiting You Call Me

I waiting since xmas. I tired wait you.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Don't say "No", It's Illegal Here!

It's true.

You never say "no" here. Or, "I don't know".

If you invite someone to your house for a party, you will always get an answer in the affirmative. Whether it's a party or something else, you will often hear the following:

"Yes, of course! See you there!"

"Yes, I'm coming!"

"Oh yes, lets do it!"

And if you ask someone a question, they will always have an answer for you. They will never say, "I don't know!". They will almost always have a reason or an excuse or an explanation.

So if you say to the lovely lady on the telephone, "Can you tell me why I don't have internet?", she will most definitely answer with something (without checking a thing of course) along the lines of, "Oh yes this is a neighbourhood problem and you should have internet within an hour.".

Isn't it wonderful? Everyone has answers and everyone ALWAYS shows up when they say they will.


Yeah not so much. For some reason it's really rude to say the following when you know damn well you will not be attending whatever invite you are invited to:

"No, I'm sorry, I have plans and I cannot make it."

"No, I won't be coming, I'm allergic to cats."

"No, I'm not coming because I am associated with the aliens, and we will be stealing the Coca Zero that night."

It's apparently also not kosher to say, "I don't know". And the following is not acceptable either:

"Sorry I'm not sure, let me get someone else to help you!"

"Let me ask my boss because I DON'T KNOW!".

"I don't know but try calling your neighbour?"

(And that internet problem you called about? The problem was strictly related to you, so after waiting an hour and getting no internet, and checking with friends who have internet, you call back. But you get the same answer, to which you explain to her that it's not and that you want a tech right away and only then will they be bothered to look into the problem for you. This happens a lot.)

So you know, I just run with it. I end up doing the same. I say I'm coming over when I'm not and I make up answers because sometimes it's just easier than having the person yell at you on the other end.

I even do it when I go back home to visit. My family has scolded me and called me on it more than once, to which I respond, "Manana? Come see come sa? No speaky the language?". And they look at me with that WTF look? And then leave me alone because they are scared.

I don't normally notice that I do it here in Mexico because it's so normal. But back home I catch myself saying that I will phone people or that I will go out with them or that I will stop by when I really don't have any intention of doing so. It really is a bad habit to get into, but only if you do it when are outside of the land where it is considered acceptable.

I once had a friend in Vancouver call me when I was visiting. I tried really hard to adhere to the standard practice of manners back home by saying, "No sorry, it's late and I'm tired and I don't want to go out now." I said it. But it didn't work. Because the said friend wouldn't give up. They kept pushing and pushing and saying COME ON COME ON LETS GO OUT! NOW! GET UP NOW! I kept saying NO NO NO NO NO and then I just got annoyed and tired. I couldn't be bothered to argue the point so I said, "Ok, I'll be there in 20 minutes. See you there!". I promptly hung up the phone, turned off the t.v., and went straight to bed. :) See how much easier that is?

So, the next time you're down in Mexico and someone says that they will totally show up at your party and then don't. Or they give you an answer to a question you know they couldn't possibly know the correct answer to.......... just feel special. Do not take offense. Because you too are now part of this culture. Think of it as being welcomed into a secret society.

So then. Now that we have that clear.....

I'll call you later ok?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

It's A Conspiracy!

No hummus or kitty litter for you! Sorry! Come back in a year or so!

If you live in Cancun you know that your trip to the Walmarts or the Sams or the Costcos is bound to leave you pissed off because once again, there are no black beans (yes it happens, even in MEXICO), there are no whole wheat tortillas, and yeah there aren't any puppy pads either (because those are only in stock about once a year anyways)!

It is a well known fact among my expat friends that when you find something you like, you hoard it, buy 50 cases of it and run out of the store like a champion! You feel glorious like you've achieved the impossible until of course, you run out and try to go back to refill your 2 year supply. You know upon your return to the store that there will be no reminants of your previous purchase. Not even a price tag. It's almost as if it NEVER EXISTED!!!!! And sometimes.............. YOU NEVER SEE THAT PRODUCT EVER AGAIN! It's almost as if the super market aliens came and played a dirty trick on you. Like they dangled sugarless koolaid in front of your tastebuds for several months before they took it right back and laughed at your anguish.

Why is it stores here can never keep their shelves stocked consistently? Why? Why oh WHY WHY WHY. Why do you tease me and play with my time and energy? Why. If you don't want to supply me with Ketchup chips or Raspberry Ice Crystal Light...... I'll understand. I'll get friends and family to smuggle it in like it means as much to me as cocaine means to a drug addict. But don't tease me please!

So of course I go to Sams to get kitty litter. I only really go there for the kitty litter because you can buy a big bucket and it's for the best price in Cancun. Sometimes I buy 2 buckets at a time because I know what will happen! It will disappear! Yeah. JUST LIKE TODAY. The aliens stole the fricken kitty litter! I'm sure they are having lots of fun pissing in it and watching it clump up. So back to the Walmarts I go to purchase expensive litter that I don't want. Hey, you're cats have got to shit somewhere and you gotta do what you gotta do.

Of course this brings me back to hummus. No correlation with kitty litter except for the fact that there's no hummus in Cancun PERIOD. IT'S A CONSPIRACY. There is none at the Walmarts. And there is none at the Costco's. I went there the other day specifically for my organic hummus and shaBLAM! NONE. Not even the non-organic hummus. You know, if I wanted to make hummus I would. But I don't. I don't have a food processer and frankly, the Costco's sells hummus that I like. YEAH. Not no more. TEASE TEASE TEASE. Oh and thanks for wasting my time and energy again. I totally was all excited and then wow. What a let down.
So there you go. I shouldn't be telling you any of this especially if you live in Cancun because you know you're totally going to go buy all the hummus and kitty litter in town now that I've told you how impossible it is to get them.

Either THAT or you're going to send an email to the supermarket aliens and have them take away Coca Zero or something.


Monday, January 14, 2008

I Speak Meow

When we were little kids my brother use to brag to everyone about how great he was at talking to cats. If there was a cat nearby he would have to prove to you how great he was at this apparently stupid yet very clever talent. He would call out this horrible sounding "Ru Row" and we would have to stand around and listen to him talk to cats like he was some sort of cat charmer or something. Sometimes the cats would answer, most probably to say, "Yeah I hear you ya jerk now get lost!". The rest of the time they would ignore him and we would say to him "Yeah whatever now shut up and lets go!".

I'm not sure why someone would be so proud of talking to cats.

I mean what an idiot right?

I swear it wasn't me in the video clip. Not in the slightest.

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Sunday, January 13, 2008


I use to hate little dogs. Bleck. They barked. And they were annoying. In your face. Bark bark me me me, annoying. Little shits.



Little shits.

Bark. bark. BARK!

And then.

I fell in love.

Because you are the one. The only one. No matter what.

He loves me in my failures. In my perfections. In my imperfections and most of all, he loves me, no matter if it's good, or bad, or worth money, or worth nothing.

That my what a little pup is all about.

(ok.......Moco too.....but she totally drools...bleck!)

Friday, January 11, 2008


Spider haters, do not look below.

How's this for a hunka junka Mexican spider.

AAAAAaaaack. Thank god it was outside and not right out side my place if you know what I'm saying. I can't believe I got close enough to compare size! How dumb am I?

UM HELP? What is it? Can it kill? It's Friday night so excuse the lack of enthusiasm for looking it up. Help a sistah out.


Wednesday, January 09, 2008

A Funny

Tuesday, January 08, 2008


Sign stories. Thats the theme for this blog. Read on.

Sign Story Numero Uno: If you ever wondered how I got the name to my blog, here's a hint:

Sign Story Numero Dos: Here's a story about a street sign. I originally wrote it when I first moved here. I sent the email to family and friends back home. I just wish I took a picture of it:

So the street sign on my corner got knocked over somehow and apparently the City of Cancun could not put it back in the hole to fix it. So after a week or so of it lying on the sidewalk, they finally decided that it would be best to remove the street sign entirely. I guess they were going to replace the street sign entirely.

Well, they replaced it alright. With a new one.

The street sign says "Bacalar" in red and it has a white background.

Here's the clincher though.... was written with a red felt pen, on a white piece of paper and TAPED to the pole.

This email went over really well with friends and family and started a short series called "Why it's so Cool to Live in Mexico!".

Sign Story Numero Three: Here is another addition of "Why it's so Cool to Live in Mexico!". Of course, it's about a "sign" (sort of,..... and a pothole):

Here in Cancun, when there is either a pothole or a sewer hole that is missing a lid, miraculous things happen.

A tree stump is often put IN the hole or IN FRONT of the hole, so that cars do not DRIVE into the hole and have an accident (the tree is supposedly "safer").

Often however, other things are put in the hole, around the hole or in front of the hole. These things consist of bags of garbage, garbage cans, bed mattresses, shopping carts and other types of trees or sticks.

God forbid several orange reflective pilons be used! Tree stumps work way better! Those pilons are not high tech enough!

It really is interesting driving by the same hole every day and seeing all the different types of things they put in or around the hole. In fact, sometimes the tree is there....and voila! The tree is gone! They MUST have fixed the hole!!! Nope! Look! Some garbage bags!!! It's still there!

I'm waiting for the day that they put a big screen t.v. OVER TOP the hole with a picture of a tree stump on it. Now THAT would be some serious high tech stuff!

So. There is this hole. It's been there for over 3 weeks. Each day my friend Laura and I pass it, we pass it with great anticipation. What is it that the magic hole will present to us today?

Yesterday was an EXCELLENT day. Something new was in front of the hole! It was not a bird, it was not a plane! It was an ACTUAL sign!!! YES! They've finally gotten this correct!!!

As we drive closer to the hole, I start to get excited. I am eager to see what this sign says! I expect to see something that says "CUIDADO (Watch Out), or "Merge to Left".

But it's a no go.

The sign over top of the pothole says: "IF YOU DRINK, DON'T DRIVE".

Ladies and gentlemen. Lets regroup and determine what the lesson of the day is. Before you answer though, make sure you don't say, "Tree stumps, garbage, and signs that come out of nowhere are not safe to have on the road."

The real lesson is:


Sign Story Numero Four: And the final "sign" story for the day is a picture that my friend T.J. posted on a cancun forum. I have seen this exit out of the parking lot at the new Applebee's and grunted about how stupid they are to put an arrow where there is an impossible exit. But as you can see, you kinda of get use to this shit and it starts to become normal. I only noticed it was really abnormal until T.J. took the picture and posted it:




Monday, January 07, 2008

Save Yourself by ~bluecanarykit

That Lisa chick finds all sorts of crazy stuff on the internet and often sends me the links. She found this and I liked it muchly because it's screams "GIRL POWER" and also reminds me that "Soy el hombre de la casa!".

Enjoy ladies!

Save Yourself by ~bluecanarykit on deviantART

Technically Challenged

Yes. I have become one of those. One of those people who are not up to speed with the haps on technological advances. I blame that on the fact that I live in Mexico and things take a while before they get here. I also blame it on my lack of investigating. I'm sure I could learn about all these cool new things that come out if I looked for them. Except that here, they aren't thrown in my face and I'm not brainwashed by them through various forms of advertising.

Anyhow. I've decided I am technically challenged because on a surprisingly boring day at work (I meant that sarcastically of course), I decided to check out the cable packages back home in Vancouver.

What's so wonderful about things today is that you can get internet, t.v. and telephone ALL from the same company. Don't ask me how they do it, they just do.

But I got really messed up in the head. Because I don't even know what the heck they are offering besides t.v., internet and telephone. I don't understand the lingo worth shit.

Lets start with cable. This is what they offer:

-Basic Cable
-Classic Cable
-Digital TV
-Digital TV and Movies
-High Definition

I get the basic cable. I even get the classic cable. Then I get lost. And then I know what's going on with High Definition but only because of the commercials I get via my US satellite t.v. I also know that if you want HD TV, you need a special HD TV. A special t.v.???? WTF for? And Digital TV? You mean basic cable is like so yesterday???? And why with Digital TV do you get more channels? Huuuu whaaa?

Here's what you get for internet:

-High Speed Lite
-High Speed

I'm just going to use my brain here and guess that High Speed Lite is the slowest and Nitro is like super super fast lighting super special. But what up with the names??? Now we have new names as well???

Here's your choice for phone service:

-Digital Phone Lite
-Digital Phone

Ok what??? First off, what the heck is a Digital Phone and what's wrong with a friggin land line? Is it different or does it have super digital powers?? Second, why the heck are there two different types? Do they have different speeds like internet? Is there like a delay in the phone line if you choose Digital Phone Lite? Is there even a "line"?

Not to mention, once you choose your fancy package, there are more choices you have to make within the package because you know there are options just waiting to confuse you even more.

I think I'll go answer a phone call on my land line, send a text on my Telcel, and finish writing this blog on my high-speed internet. At least I understand it.......HD Lite TV Digital Phone Nitro who the whatsas! You've done confused me and made me feel all stooopid!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

You Think You're SOOooOOOoo Cute!

What cat? I don't see a cat!

Dog? What dog? I see a cat, a stuffed animal and a stuffed ear.

Oh! There we go, it's not stuffed's a Diesel dog!

Just so you know......I didn't set up any of these. My kids are THAT talented and cute. I didn't even put "Blue" in between Moco and Diesel. Blue went up there all by herself.....(ok well Diesel brought her up but close enough)!

Ok....I'm off to go get a life now!

See ya!

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Thank The Lordy for 2008!

I can't tell you how glad I am that we've started a new year. Out with the with the new!

The evening before New Years Eve Leta and moi decided to get out celebrate the New Year EARLY!

Male Hot Body Contest at Dady Rock! WOooooooooo HOOOOooooOOOOoOOOoOoo!

It was ladies night so we drank all we wanted (which wasn't much because you know I gave that up a long time ago "sort of") for fifteen buckeroonies.

We really didn't want to do something in the hotel zone New Years Eve and spend big bucks to be annoyed by drunk people puking in the street and the inability to move because of the thousands and thousands of people in one place at one time. So we celebrated it how we wanted to and a day early at that with change to spare!

Come actual New Years Eve, we were tucked in before midnight and rang in the New Year peacefully, without drama and ready to take on New Years DAY.
That worked out for me because I didn't feel all crappy and was able to go visit my friend from back home who was in town.
She came down with her dad, her husband and her two sons. I helped her push her first son into this crazy world and so I was excited to see him all grown up at 6 years of age and meet his little brother Jesse for the first time.

They were staying at the Crown Paradise Hotel which apparently is the number one hotel to go to if you have kids. It was also apparent that every other family in the world knew this and was staying there at the same time.

I've never walked into a busier more loud, more bursting at the seems hotel than this one! I figure it's not like this all the time but it really was some serious sensory overload!

It was so nice to see Kat, her husband and her father . They no longer live in Vancouver anymore so when I do go into town (Vancouver), I'm lucky if I get to see one of them but thats it.
When I finally saw the kids it was really weird. She had to point them out and I felt like, why the heck don't I know them!? It was really strange seeing Jordan, this big boy that just 6 years ago I held in my arms as he snoozed peacefully. I was the first person to cut his little finger nails and I came over often when he was a newborn so that mama could have a little down time.

Anyhoo. I quickly got my reality check because this kid didn't know me from nada and wasn't all that interested in me until I made sand castles that he could destroy. LOL. In fact I was the coolest person in the world to the both of them for a matter of 5 minutes while I made stuff in the sand for them to kick and punch at. AHHHHHh the life of a kid.

My friend Kat and I managed to spend a few quiet moments together getting to the nitty gritty of each other's lives and I could tell she missed our friendship. It really is a comforting thing to be around someone who knows who you really are so that they can remind you to not stray too far from yourself. We both sort of did that for eachother and that was nice.

I'm going to see if I can dig up that pic of baby Jordan to show you how much he's grown! For now, here are some pics from the day:
Me & Kitty Kat:


The two bros playing peacefully .... but you know...only momentarily! LOL

Here's wishing you all an absolutely awesome 2008!!!! It's been really cool getting to know each and every one of you through your blogs and meeting more and more of you through the intricate linkage of the blogosphere of the internet connecting hookups!