I Sure Taught Them!

It appears as though blowing up things gets you places.

Soon after I blew up the gas truck from Zeta Gas, another gas truck entered the pearly gates of our development and went straight to our apartment.

Beckla gave strict instructions to the guards at the pearly gates to send the next gas truck over to our apartment, or more violence was to come.

Within a half hour we had gas.

I have couple things to say about this:

1) Those stupid bitches (men/women I don't care, they are all liars and need to go to church and say 50,000 Our Fathers and then stop lying to poor innocent people) at every single gas company can kiss my ass. It's like you try to speak to them as a human being and they say the same shit back like a) they don't care and b) they didn't hear you, "Oh yeah well, they'll deliver TODAY between 2-4 pm". (Please see information on never saying "I Don't Know") Um, yeah well you said that Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and no one showed up. I'll be home between 2-3:30 or after. Can you please deliver at those times since you lied about the other times, and at this point, you should do whatever you can to make the customer happy? Of course the answer is, "They'll show up in the afternoon sometime.". Hey, YOU, did you not freakin hear me? You know what? OLVIDALO! CLICK. I foresee some explosions in your future.

2) I'm not calling no freakin gas company again EVER EVER including after I die and go to helleaven. From now on, we bribe the guards and tell them to send any fricken gas truck over.

3) I was NOT hanging out in Plaza 21.

4) Minshap you are a sweetheart and I thank you for your concern about the gas. Really it's more about my sanity than anything. I mean the battle isn't about the freakin gas. I'm trying to change something that isn't going to change. It's like trying to get rid of prostitution. I mean .... it's been around since B.C. so good luck with that one right!?

So now you know why I blew up the truck. And the authorities don't even care because they hate the gas companies too. They said to me, "Yeah don't do that again, but we think it's pretty funny that you did!".

I thoroughly enjoyed my super hot LONG shower last night. Oh yeah. I did.

Update: EMPTY

INSERT FOUR LETTER WORD HERE:

_ _ _ _

Controlled By Utilities

Gas will be delivered between 8 a.m. and 12 p.m. today.

Question: "Hello, It's 12 p.m. and the gas isn't here yet."

Answer: "Oh yeah, they are running behind but they will be there sometime today."

Question: "Well do you know when because I don't want to sit here all day to wait for them. I have things to do?"

Answer: "No I don't know when."
_________________________________________________

Water is not going into our tinaco.

After spending half the day checking our tinaco, going to the security to ask questions, going to construction to ask questions, checking other people's tinacos and finding out that the construction office lied to us about sending someone to check on things, we finally decided to phone Aguakan (AKA water central).

Question: "Hello. We don't have water do you know why?"

Answer: "Yes, there is a problem with the pipe that brings water to your neighbourhood but they are working on it right now. "

Question: "Do you know how much longer it will be?"

Answer: "No."

_______________________________________________

It is now 2:49 p.m.

The good news: We have our gas tanks.

The bad news: We stink.

_______________________________________________

Statement: "I am controlled by utilities!"

Almost there.....

The a/c is in and it works wonderfully.

The furniture was move moved on Friday night and the dudes came 15 minutes early and literally had all my big stuff out in like 20 minutes. They stunk really bad but they did a good job. They brought me my bed and thats what's important.

After the furniture was moved it it appears that all the animals are feeling a lot more at home. There was nothing like waking up on Saturday morning with all three cutie pies surrounding me in bed.

The consensus is that Becky can deal with Diablo, and even Diesel, but Moco is a bit of a handful. I knew that since the first day I rescued her. She managed to dodge two different cars and when we got a hold of her, she had spray paint all over her body. You would think she'd hate humans, but thats not the case at all. Apparently, she is also a dolly lover too. She managed to steal a nice Mexican doll from Becky's room (kind of off limits since she misbehaves when she's in there and does everything that Becky doesn't want her to do) and take off her skirt. If that's not entertainment.....I don't know what is.

There are some things that still need to be hung, like mirrors and shelves and our boiler is not connected to the gas tank yet which we really couldn't give two shits about right now since it's so hot out. But "the hombres de la casa" can figure that one out. Connecting a gas tank....not so difficult.

We still have no internet and t.v. I'm not like a t.v. addict, but I like to have the t.v. on for noise while I'm doing shit like painting my toenails, or cleaning my room or a sewing a shirt or putting on my makeup. Stuff like that. It's a little more difficult to do that when you rent a DVD. I mean the purpose of spending all that money to rent a DVD is to actually sit down and do nothing other than watch that DVD.

What else? I've been attacked by mosquitos and they all seem to LOVE my ankles and feet. It really is not much fun and I have taken chunks of skin out and will be left with plenty of scars because of it. This has been a problem for me since childhood. The mosquitos apparently like me more than anyone else and I seem to itch more than the average person. I took some Benadryl Saturday night which stopped the whole itching problem. But unfortunately, it pretty much put me to sleep. Which I guess is good but I don't like being half asleep and feeling like someone gave me some drugs. Oh wait. I gave me some drugs. DOH!

As for men, you're all still on my shitlist.

Send some roses or buy me a car or something and maybe I'll overlook it....









....for an hour.

Learning About Things I didn't Know I Had To - PART UNO

(I originally thought that I could fit everything all into one blog. It doesn't look like that's possible so I will do this in parts. Stay tuned for the other parts!)

Forget college......move to Mexico!

Living in Cancun certainly has its challenges. No, I do not live on the beach, tan all day and sip margaritas. No, I do not party every night like a rockstar and stumble back to my superbly posh condo in the hotel zone. Instead, I live downtown, in what I'd like to call my nice, comfortable apartment. I have a job that I work Monday-Friday and have set hours and really, considering, my life here is a lot easier compared to others. Having a salary, set hours, a car and enough money to order sushi whenever I want makes me a pretty lucky person.

But living here has made me have to learn about many things that I never knew I would ever have to.

1. Gas. No, I'm not talking about the type you put in your car. I'm talking about that gas you use for your:

a) Hot Water Tank. You have to light it yourself with a lighter. It can often get blown out or if you are replacing a gas tank, you will of course have to re-light. If you have a crappy hot water tank, you might have some problems lighting it and problems with it going out all the time. I discussed the best way to light it with my father and he says that if you hold down the button for 30 seconds while lighting, the pilot should usually take over. He and I had a pow wow as he reminsced about the old days back in Italy. (Am I going backwards in time?) Once the pilot is lit, you can decided what level you want your hot water at. Sometimes you have a to use a little hot water first to get it going so that it bursts into a bigger flame so that you have enough hot water for your shower. If you are trying to save money, it's best to keep the pilot off and just light as you need hot water. This can be a pain in the ass however but again, it's more money or more of a pain. You decide. I often choose the more money choice! Now lets not forget, you must be careful because they can also blow up in your face and singe your hair and eyelashes.....another thing I have learned.....that I didn't know I had to.

b) Clothes Dryer. Yes folks! You can purchase dryers that run on gas. In fact, it is the most practical and cheap way to run a dryer. Apparently dryers take up a whole lot of electricity if they simply run on electricity. So we must ahorrar! We must save! Another thing I learned! Actually, I had a choice....gas dryer....or electric dryer. But the gas dryers are not only are they cheaper to purchase outright...but they are cheaper to run. I NEVER knew that before. But now I am all the more wise!

c) Stove with Oven (oven's are optional). I can't believe I even put that in brackets. I mean I'm not talking about hot-plates. I'm talking about a stove! Aren't they usually attached to an oven? Nope. They aren't. So get use to it! Now of course your stove top and your oven are lit with a lighter as well. Again, be careful...this can be a little more dangerous than singed eyelashes. In fact, I know of a story that didn't turn out so great. My friend is alive but does have a lot of scarring because of it. In addition to the complexities of lighting the oven or stove top, try and figure out the temperature of either of them. They aren't listed. They say, if you are lucky, "Min" or "Max" and you can figure out the rest. I've managed to bake two cakes by using my temperature intuition so I guess sometimes being so precise isn't always that necessary?

Ok. So We know that you can hook your dryer, your stove and your boiler up to gas and have them run all high tech (you know I'm sarcastic right?)......but where the hell does the gas come from? Tanks. Gas tanks. I have two so I am a millions times more lucky than people who just have one. Because when I run out of gas, I get my wrench, go outside, turn off the valve in the empty tank, disconnect it, attach it to the next tank, and open the valve to the new tank. Aren't I handy? Any Mexican men that see me do this think I'm super fragile and that this is a man's job. I say the hell with you. Your only purpose is to make me FEEL like I can't do it and that I NEED you but guess what baby, I know better. If I can knock a man down on his ass with my delicate fist, I can certainly change a gas tank....thanks!

So voila. I have my gas connected wooo hoooo!

Now what?

Yeah um, if you do nothing, you are screwed by the time the next tank runs out. (Btw, I use 20 litre tanks and they last about a couple of months and cost about 192 pesos a tank which is about $20 US.) Taking a cold shower in "winter" is not so much fun and having to use a hot plate to cook is a waste of energy so get with the gas schedule ok. So now all you have to do is call the gas company and expect them to show up when you say right? NO PROBLEM.

HA HA HA HA. Yeah right.

Apparently there is some sort of gas shortage going on so getting a gas tank is wayyy more complicated than it use to be. Even tho, before...it was still complicated....because of course they would never show up when you called.

There has been a sprout of a couple of new gas companies within the area because of the shortage, in addition to one of the largest companies, "Z Gaz" has chosen to make life more difficult. Now, whether you order, or go to the company with your gas tank, they not only want you to leave your gas tank with them, but they want you to pay for the tank, and then at a later date you can supposedly pick up your tank of gas, or have them deliver it to you. Um, no thanks. I give you my money and my gas tank and I get nada in return? Screw that!

Normally once you have a gas company you would only be able to exchange that gas tank, with that company. Now, it's a free for all. The gas company doesn't care, and the people don't care. They just want their damn gas.

So, here are the methods in which I have received gas:

1) Luck. The gas company just happened to be there already changing my neighbour's (Canadian Spelling!) gas tank. Woo hoo! I can't tell you what a high this is. All you druggies out there...you are wasting your time and money. Getting a tank of gas by having them magically appear when it's convenient for you is rare and special and terribly exciting.

2) I hear the gas tank music (really annoying when you want to sleep in on the weekend) and go running out naked, in my pj's, without shoes on...running down that street yelling gasssss, screaming out the window GASSSSSsssssss!!!! as if it were Romeo or something.

3) I've heard the clickity clank of the gas tanks and resorted to such things as I described in number two. My mother thinks I have developed super Mexican hearing for this. Because she doesn't hear anything out of the ordinary and before you knew it I have my wallet, my gas key and I'm out down the street begging for a tank. I've got the same hearing for the water man as well. Here we are relaxing and watching t.v. and before you know it I've sprung up and am out of my apartment, have run down 3 flights of stairs and have unlocked the security gate and i'm down the street all in the matter of 5 seconds.

4) Calling the company....any company, to have the phones not work, or have them tell me they will come, or won't come, whatever the result, if they don't come, or if they do, I'm not even home when they do...helloooo I work. I don't sit around and wait for gas all day....especialy when I can create my own JAJAJAJA. Bad joke.

5) Throw the empty gas tank in the car and go to some company, any company that will give you a full gas tank.

6) Chase after the gas truck in your car, or send someone else to chase after them.

7) Partner up with the neighbour (Canadian Spelling!). If I get the truck, I knock on his door, if he gets the truck, he knocks on mine.

So there you see it folks. Gas is an integral part of living in Mexico. And if you don't learn the ways....you will suffer! I have learned the ways.....and way back when.... I had no idea I'd have to learn about these things.