Mexico "Way"

My stupid blurbs about anything and addition to the ups and downs of living in Cancun, Mexico.

Friday, February 29, 2008

"Este es mi pais!"

Well congratulations....cuz I still think you're an asshole!

I had to really think about whether or not I wanted to post about this. But I decided I should because I still think I'm right dammit!

The short version goes something like this....

My friend rents an apartment. She gets two parking spots with the apartment. When she's parked, there is an area behind her that HER guests can park in. It is great because if she can't get in or out of her parking space, at least she knows it's you visiting her, and she can tell you to move your dang car.

The problem is, if someone parks behind her, and there is another car parked in the space in front and to the left of her, she cannot parrallel park her way in, nor get out. It's a real PITA (pain in the ass for those of you who don't know what that is).

Anyhow, some jerk has decided that parking behind my friend is completely acceptable.

About 3 weeks ago we were coming home and caught him going to the car. I asked him if he could park elsewhere because it makes it really difficult to park the car there. He starts in with the "Tranquila" and that just puts me off as soon as I hear the "Tran..."!

He really wasn't listening to a damn word I said and I could tell he didn't respect me because I'm a female. He figured hushing me and saying "Tranquila" would calm allow him to get away with his parking abuse and it just pissed me off more. In the end he said it was only temporary and calm down and blah blah blah (ginger...ja ja I had to throw that in).

Well it turns out it wasn't temporary and the jerk has been parked there consistently for the last 3 weeks.

So this morning I catch him there and I say, "SeƱor, do you know for how much longer you're going to be parked there for ?". And it all went down hill from there. We were screaming at eachother and he was talking over me and refused to listen. I asked him if thats the way he talked to women and doesn't he have any manners. To which it pissed him off more. To which I had to say you know I'm a woman dumbass, but I'm not a stupid woman and he's not suppose to be parked there and why do the administrators keep telling us that? He of course lied and said it was a common area and he could park wherever he wanted to which I said, then why did you tell me 3 weeks ago that it was only temporary and that you were leaving? Did you change your mind?

He didn't seem to like how a "woman" was pointing out his wrongdoings, nor did he like that I was not a "Mexican woman" and his response to that was:


Now look here you ignorant, uneducated stupid piece of shit. I don't fucking care! You're still a fucking asshole and the fact that "This is your country" doesn't change the fact that you are parking somewhere where you shouldn't! You know, I have NEVER and WILL NEVER EVER say to an immigrant, a tourist, a guest that is living in Canada, "This is my country!", like it's some sort of excuse for bad behavior or some sort of threat, or some sort of copout for the reality of the situation.

When I say, "This is my country" it's because my country has done something good, and because I'm proud of it. Not because it makes me a better person than you and that it's an excuse for me to behave badly.

On top of it, guess what dickwad, this is my country too, I've been here for 5 years, I pay taxes, I follow the rules, I have all my documents in line and contracts and do everything I'm suppose to do. I'm not the one parking where I shouldn't! Not to mention, I try not to piss off my neighbours. Because you never know when you'll need them to watch your back, or when you'll need them to help you after a huge hurricane (AKA WILMA).

Anyways, thats that. It really wasn't my battle to fight but it was the whole principal of the thing. He was rude about it from the start, didn't try to work it out or figure out a solution. He was dismissive to my words and spoke down to both me and my friend and then on top of it threw down the "country card". Good for you you big man. I hope you feel better about yourself and whatever it is you stand for. I know for a fact that there are kinder, more helpful Mexican men in this country, and on the flip side, they don't say they are kinder and more helpful because of their country. They are that way because they have respect and give respect.

Ok. Done with the rant.

I can't wait to say hi to the nice security man that calls me his "hijita" every day. Now thats what I'm talking about. That's a nice man.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

How to Piss the Cat Off!

Go puppeh go!

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Monday, February 25, 2008

Frogger Time!

In the hopes of trying to figure out all the different features on my camera, I decided that trying to take pictures of the lunar eclipse was probably the best way to do that.

What a stupid idea that was. Most of my pics are black with a blob in the middle. Anyhow, I did get a couple that are like 1% decent to post so here we goes.....

This is one of the new buildings being built in Puerto Cancun. They've got these funky lights on the finished building and the colors at the top change from red to pink to purple to blue to green. I wouldn't say that this is the best for the mangroves or the beach or the jungle or all the animals that would normally live there. However, I am sucked in by the pretty lights against the dark sky and the how they change. This is just before the lunar eclipse started:

I will admit I did not sit out and watch the whole eclipse take place. I ran out here and there and tried to snap pics. This was the start of the eclipse:

When the moon was in total eclipse mode, it appeared a cool dark orange color. It was at this time that I discovered a new option on my camera that dragged whatever image you were focused on. Because i was impatient I didn't create anything special but you can at least see the color of the moon with this pic:

When strange planetary stuff happens, the creatures seem to come out. This little frogger wanted to know what time it was. So I told him:

It's frogger time you silly billy!

It's a Fossil watch so maybe he was trying to get in touch with his dinosaur ancestors or something. I don't know.....I mean I didn't ask. I just kinda said, let me take a picture of you next to my watch so that I can put it on my blog and people can go "woooooooo a frog!".

He said it was ok.

And I said, "You're Fun!".

(that last part was for you JJ)


Friday, February 22, 2008

White Light

For Beckla

The Madness Continues!

To continue the birthday madness we hung out at the Hyatt Regency hotel on Saturday. I dig their pool area and the fact that it wasn't that typical "obnoxious tourist feel" that some hotels have.

"The Cannon" and his buds invited Leta and me out to din din at the Outback Steakhouse where we later watched the UFC. I know my background in Mixed Martial Arts is a big part of why I love such productions as the UFC, K1 and Pride Fighting. But the sheer barbaric-ness of it all is such a turn on! LOL.

Later we headed to La Terrasta for some more fun. The DJ played my party song "Fantasy" with Old Dirty Bastard and Mariah Carey. I got busted singing it a capella because the DJ turned the musiac off. Not cool. LOL. The birthday girl was mad!

I had a great time and I'm still trying to catch up on my sleep which will no doubt not happen any time soon since mi madre is coming this Sunday for two weeks!!!

I'm sure I'll be able to post the haps while she's here but if I don't, consider this a warning!

Here are a couple pics from sabado:

Me, Kristin & Leta

Hector, Phil & Cannon

(Notice the "Fighting Solves Everyting" T-Shirt lol!)

Bday girl blowing out the candle:



Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Birthday Madness

One year when I was in high school I decided that I wasn't going to make a fuss about my birthday and remind everyone when it was or plan a big party and all of that. I totally assumed that people would know that they should be throwing me a surprise birthday without having to tell them. I mean hey, it's ME, I am special, hear me roar. Roar...meep.

Yeah I gots nuthin that year.

And that was the end of that bullshit!

So now every year for my birthday I make sure I remind everyone and make sure I have parties planned. Yes, I said parties. Not just one. But more than one. And if your birthday falls are in luck. Cuz thats two weekends of partying! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!

So this year for my birthday, I said the hell with Valentines Day and decided to go watch some mo fo'in strippers! Yes. Show me skin baby. Lots of it. Grrrrr prrrrrr yummy grrrr. Ok STOP. Preeevert.


The first night of celebrations was stripper night at Bulldog Cafe.

On hand was Leta, Lisa Love and her wonderful friend Irene. There was nothing but women there and it was a really weird feeling!

Irene & Lisa:

Birthday Girl & Leta:

Finally they brought the strippers out and of course with the first one I was all
"Inspector Stripper". Critiquing him and trying not to feel embarrassed about his performance.

He came out with a staff that had fire on both sides and was twirling it around all lame. Then he did his Cuban song and put his clothes back ON. TAKE IT OFF. TAKE IT OFF! You aren't suppose to come out half naked with fire and then put clothes on! Grrrrr.

The next dude just skeeved me out. He just seemed so corny and in to himself and I didn't like it one bit. I truly felt bad for him.....and his woman....or man.......Here's a pic of him. Bleck:

I knew two of the strippers in the show and that just made it all the more fun! Here's one of them....who was yummers:

He thoroughly ignored our group during the performance but thats ok. I got a good clip of Miguel bouncing his pene around (please see video clip) I'm sure he'll be all pissed about that. LOL. Too bad so sad. Hey, if he didn't want to be seen he wouldn't have won Mr. Mexico a few years back (bodybuilding competition here in Mexico) and you um....wouldn't be a STRIPPER!

I will say the best part of the show was when Mr. Police Ocifer came out. His performance was "TIGHT" just like his bod.

He had the moves and that just made him all the more sexy. Plus he was coming on over to me, shakin his thangs and that made it hot in there. Before I knew it.....he was grabbing my hand. There's nothing more special than being dragged on stage with Ocifer Stripper and having him let you touch his ass and abs and chest. But it doesn't end there folks. Because just when I thought I was turning on Ocifer Stripper with MY moves, I was hanging horizontally above the ground by my arms. I'm sure he was dry humping me from behind, but what do I know, I was watching my hair clean the floor. I can't explain how he did it. I know I was standing up, and he grabbing my hands and turned me around and the poof....he had my wrists and I was hanging above the floor. Now I'm not lightweight. No one tosses me around too easily. I'm a thick girl. So there was that moment what I was screaming in my head, "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HEAVY I AM YOU'RE GOING TO DROP MY FAT ASS ON THE FLOOR". But. He didn't. And I walked off the stage like a total fucking dork. Boy was I blushing. See video:

After me, Mr. Cop dude was not finished! He proceeded to pull grandma onto the floor and promptly placed her in a chair where he continued to grind on her and flipped upside handstand down with his legs wrapped around her, humping her with his ass up in her face (yesssssss!). She had full access to his behind and he kept wanting her to grab his ass but she was horrified. I would have none of it so I ran up, grabbed her damn hand and MADE her smack his ass. Holy crap what was wrong with her! Was grandpa gonna dump her? And um who gives a shit? Here's grandma:

There were female strippers as well. One Mexicana and another whom they say is from Spain. I behaved the way a normal woman would for the first stripper....and then I thought....stop rolling your eyes and being such a hater. Go with it! So I did. I got to grab the cat woman's big booby. Actually, I honked it and said, "Those are nice!" to which she responded, "I KNOW!". :) Here are pics of the ladies:

At the end (no penises were viewed in this stripper session btw ~thumbs down from me but it was fun anyways), all the strippers came out and grabbed everyone on stage to dance with them. It's pretty funny because um, they are all NAKED! I had no problem getting down with them until the cop dude said, "You like my girlfriend?" as he's grabbing my ass. I answer with, "Um, yeah she's hot, I can respect that!", until I realized what he was getting at. See his card in my hand?:

Suffice it to say, my emergency broadcasting system said, "Um...cut out fast, cut out don't do threesomes with strangers! Or at all! Abort Abort!"!!!!

I aborted for some more drinkage and laughage about the whole stripper experience.

The night carried on with good conversation and dancing and I was lucky to meet a Mixed Martial Arts (MMA)fighter thats been around for quite some time and who's fought such greats as Dan Severn from the Ultimate Fighting Championships (UFC). And here we all are:

Notice big red balloon over my head. Thanks "Cannon"!

Whew. That blog was a lot of work. You better like it.

OH and P.S. This blog is rated "R" so if you don't like swear words and naked men and women, then don't read.

Ooops. You already did.

Sorry about that!

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Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Heart Day!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Breaking Huevos

If you have a sense of humor and you know a little bit of Spanish and double meanings in Spanish, the title of this blog may make you giggle a bit.

I could just say, "Breaking Balls" and be done with it but I really DO mean "Breaking Eggs", so get your mind out of the gutter.

(Although, if I could break a few balls today I certainly would, there are many who deserve their balls to be broken and much worse. I have to get MY mind out of the gutter. Jeesh. This is hard! MUST. PLAY. FAIR.)

Last night I had some eggs for dinner. I made scrambled eggs (yeah I know not too exciting). But they are healthy and have protein in them and are easy to make. So I went a cracking. And when I was cracking these eggs into the bowl, I became increasingly irritated.

Why are Mexican egg shells so freakin hard??? You have to like bash them 5 times against the bowl and when you do you are ALWAYS going to break the egg yolk. Which isn't much fun when you want eggs sunny side up....but believe me, I gave up on those a long time ago because it is just impossible to do. Ok not totally impossible, but I didn't exactly want 6 eggs, I just wanted TWO.

And the other thing about the eggs, besides having super duper super hero hard shell tendencies, is that the yolks are like stuck to the shell, so even if you do break the egg carefully, they are stuck to the shell and then the skin around the yolk breaks and the yolk oozes out screaming "YOU FAILED SUCKER!".

What if you wanted to make devilled eggs? They would be all sorts of screwed up. The egg yolk would be at the very edge with no border to hold it in and the devilled egg part would be all hangin out the side. Like this:

Thats just not pretty.

So yeah, I have a small issue with the huevos here. Maybe it's just me though. I've kinda come to that conclusion because I seem to be the only one that comes up with this stupid shit.

P.S. I have pics from the weekend so stay tuned.


Saturday, February 09, 2008

He's Gotz Mad Skillz

And to update you on the's really spazzin out right now. Worse than the dude in the vid.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Bomba Espionage

No, not "bomb" as explosives......I mean "bomba" as in pump.

In my last two apartments we had a "bomba" (pump) room on the ground floor. There was one bomba for each apartment. We had our tincos (water holding tank) on the roof and when the water reached a low level, the bomba would pump the water from sisterna (the holding tank next to the bomba on the ground floor), up to the tinaco on the roof.

It's simple enough as long as everything is working. And if it's not, then screw you, no water unless you go and fill your buckets up and bring it up to the roof. This is of course assuming that Aguakan (water company) is still pumping water into your sisterna. Where I lived it would pump water into the sisterna at around 8:30 p.m. at night. If you used a lot of water that day and didn't have any more in your sisterna or tinaco, you were out of luck until oh, about 8:30 p.m.! And god forbid a hurricane swings by for a visit, you might be waiting longer than you'd like.

Anyhow, not my last apartment, but the apartment before, there was a house that was behind me and they had their stupid bomba outside. It was strategically placed outside my bedroom window and for some reason the bomba when nutso and decided to run non-stop and pump water to the roof and then overflow at ungodly hours. Whether or not they were out of water didn't matter much. Because the F'n pump would run anyways and make nasty motor sounds that a healthy bomba would never make. I don't think the people that lived there gave a shit. If they did, they would have done something about the non-stop overflow of water flowing and the nasty screech of the motor.

My roommate got fed up and frankly he couldn't deal with my bitching anymore so he took about a litre of oil over there in the dark of the night and poured it over the bomba. Don't ask me why he thought this would work, or why I'm so nasty as to not stop him from doing this. But in the end, it made the motor quieter and in time the stupid house owners finally did something about it before I went and bomba'd their house like I bomba'd that gas truck.

Well sometimes the same problem will creep up on you no matter where you are. I am recently going through the same hatred for a certain bomba just outside my window. Where I live now, all of the bombas are in the back area of the apartment buildings and there are no tinacos on the roof. So every time someone flushes or turns on the tap, a bomba goes off. Right now there are about 10 or so bombas going off here and there outside my bedroom window.

Sure this can be annoying. However, I can comprehend the reasoning behind in, and wrap my brain around the noise and become one with it. As long as they are working away like a symphony of mechanics and are all healthily purring away, I can respect the sound that they spew into my ear drums.

But for the love of god (JJ'ism), DO YOU NOT FUCKING NOTICE THAT YOUR BOMBA IS HAVING A SEIZURE 24/7??????

What the hell is wrong with people? Your pump is only suppose to go on when you use water. It's not suppose to run constantly sounding all horrible and sick and it's not suppose to click on and off like its convulsing. How is it these people do not give a shit?? I KNOW they hear it. I'm certain of it. Let me tell you why.

I went back there the other night (when it was dark of course) and I saw a red light on the bomba in question. I pushed the button and lucky me, I ended up turning the stupid pump off. I felt content with myself and walked away like the bomba espionage woman that I am. I had contemplated ripping the mother f'n wires out and screaming "DAMN YOU PEOPLE" but I didn't. I was nicer than that. I pushed a button. Thats it.

About an hour later I am on my twist and shape workout machine when I see flashlights outside. They are trying to figure out what was wrong with it. I giggle to myself but hope that this will give them the push they need to get someone in there to look at the damn thing. They leave defeated and I breathe a sigh of relief. But about a half hour later the guy comes down and figures out where the button is and BAM. Skitzo seizure bomb comes back to life. Since it's making noises now, the guy doesn't seem to give a shit that it doesn't sound right and goes back upstairs to flush his toilet.

I can't tell you how much I hope that the bomba just burns itself out. I guess that hasn't crossed these people's minds in the slightest. I guess we shall wait and see what happens.

In the meantime I hope their pump gets healthy for it's own sake, because a full moon is always just around the corner and you never know who will turn into a psycho bitch.


Tuesday, February 05, 2008


Yep. Thats me. Missing In Action.

Well, at least in terms of the whole blogging situation. I mean I've been around....busy with a few things.

Like, for example, I've been busy and without ganas (motivation....although "ganas" means more than just that....look it up, what do I look like? GOOGLE?) to write a damn thing.

And I've been busy catching up with a few personas at La Tab drinking way too much (yeah I know I quit, but like...not really) and enhaling wayyy too much second hand smoke. QUIT SMOKING PLEASE YOU SMOKERS OUT THERE! It's obnoxious and kills.

And I've been catching up with miss Trauma: The Drama herself and good friends Marita and Dave. They are staying on the Island and so that is where I went both Sabado and Domingo (Don't kill me Mr. Isla Wayne GOD for visiting and not meeting you as well. I am like that...bitchy and snotty and stuff. Ha not really....except sometimes. Really I'm a friend hog and you weren't allowed to have any of them so there!!).

If you all want to kick my ass for totally forgetting my camera and not taking ANY can do that. Or you can wait until Marita and Dave get home and what I'll do is get her to send me some pics that she took. The best is of Dave cleaning up the destruction of the empty (I did not drink but two drops I swear....they made me) Jagermeister bottle. It went flying off the balcony and the best part was that the woman downstairs came out and said, "Wow! You guys are dangerous!". And then she said in between her drunken slurrrrs, "Well don't worry cuz we drove a golf cart over a cliff!". Right on then. That works. WTF???

So yeah. Thats the haps. OH! And we had no freakin internet today at work. ALL day. So whats the point of going to work? Um. Not so sure!

Here's a pic of Miss Diablo Lunita (just cuz wtf is this blog about really? Not much so why not throw in a cat pic):