Super Star

Don't ask why I named it Super Star. I was really just thinking about the Saturday Night Live skit where the chicky goes Super Star and sort of goes into a deep lunge with her hands up in the air like the top of a "Y". Ah well. That sort of came from nowhere considering all thats going on.

In all honesty, a lot of shit is going down, not so much with me as an individual but with people around me and somehow I end up getting affected by it. Doesn't life suck that way? I mean you could wake up in a fine mood but maybe the person at the check out counter at the store is having a bad day and as a result you start to feel crappy too. Really tho, this is more personal in that well, I know these people personally and so I of course personally get affected by the way they feel, the shit they have going on, or how they treat me as a result of it.

I'm going through a period of time where I've been thinking a lot about the past and the people in my past. Some of them are still around which is great and I'm surely thankful for. Some of them, not so much, or not at all and it's quite probable that I may never ever see or speak to them again in my life. Sometimes that's ok. I mean some people are asses or don't have anything valuable to contribute to your life so who gives a crap really. Others, you miss and in a way want to thank them for being who they were to you and who they are now because they in a sense molded who you are now and how you think.

I guess what I'm getting at is that when you move to a new place, there are very few people who can really know who you really are and how you really feel about things. For some people who are criminals escaping prosecution from their own country, I'm sure this is just perfect. But, for me, I find that it can be frustrating at times.

Sometimes they just assume shit. Or they say things like, "that's not the person I know you as", or they make a comment about themselves which is obviously a true reflection of how they feel about you. I hate it honestly. I hate it a lot. Because I think really, a lot of people don't actually even make the effort to get to know who you really are. What I mean is that, getting to know someone doesn't just include knowing the person from the day you met them. Or asking the person about their past and making assumptions as to how they were then and how that will make them how they are now. Do you get me?

There are a couple of people that I have met here who I think have touched on who I really am. The funny part is, I don't think these people even get that. And other people, who aren't even close to knowing you, think they know so much about you.

I remember one time when I was helping my friend Zed do a martial arts performance at some hosh posh actor/producer/writers party. My boyfriend at the time had coreographed the routine and it was sort of frustrating because Zed was trained in a different art than us and in a different way and wasn't really getting what we were trying to do. He was more into Karate and though I have serious respect for karate, it is not always practical. Anyhow, since it was Zed's little thing, we had to make him look like the star. So he was going to break one single board which is so super easy. I can't remember if we practiced or not ...oh yes I do now . We did. When it came to the board breaking part, I got into my stance and held the board out, locked my arms and wrists. Zed goes into some crazy dramatic breathing routine to sort of make it look like this was going to be super hard to do.

To break one board is easy. I'm telling you. But no, Mr. Karate had to go all crazy and hit the darn board as hard as possible. One piece flew out of my hand and spun and pierced into my nose. I was like "FUCK THAT HURT", but of course a) I'm a martial artist and i'm tough and b) this is a fricken preformance so pretend like it ain't no thing. So I go to pick up the piece that gave me a free nose ring and as I bend down I see blood gushing all over the place. I still pick up the board and hold the two in the air separately to show he had broken it and oh yippy wow. There is blood everywhere so I run behind this prop and the demo was done anyways so I stayed there until we could get towels to stop the blood and get me to a private room.

I had to go to the hospital to get it checked out and couldn't take an exam I had at school on Monday. But mostly I was just pissed at that Zed. I know it wasn't his fault but the idiot didn't need to do that. And we told him not to do it like that. But he had never broken boards before and was scared of looking like a dumbass. But look, he ended up looking like a dumbass anyways and I ended up a bleeding mess.

Anyhow, Zed felt like shit and he was trying to call me and wanted to give me gifts and shit. I just wasnt in to it. I needed my space, I needed to calm down and feel better. I didn't even have to tell my boyfriend any of this, but he called Zed up on his own and told him to back off and to just give me space. It was at that moment that I knew that boyfriend of mine knew me and knew me well. I know it's just totally stupid but sometimes its those stupid moments that you know people not only know you but care about you.

In the end Zed couldn't control himself and bought me some gifts and stuff. I never hated him for it. I just hate him for not listening to us. Those Karate guys think they know everything.

Anyhow. This has gone on longer than I had wanted but I had to say that when I went home after the hurricane and my head was kind of messed up. My good friend Mana said to me, "What happened to my Liz?". It was at that moment that I knew she knew me for me. The real me. And although it broke my heart that she had to see someone she didn't know, it made me realize that I there are actually people out there that get it without you having to tell them.

The boyfriend that I did the demo with, I don't talk to anymore. He told me if we ever broke up that he couldn't be friends with me cuz it would hurt too much. I understand that and still love him. I know he has gotten married and moved on but I hope he still knows who I am. I know Mana does, and I know several others back home do too. That stick-a-boob and kitt kat. So thank you for knowing me. The real me.

And for those of you who are in my life now, some of you don't know it but you truly do know me and have made the effort to know me and I appreciate that and I know it deep in my heart.

So thank you.

To all you others....

It's ok. Your still a part of my life and I still consider you Super Stars!