Mexico "Way"

My stupid blurbs about anything and addition to the ups and downs of living in Cancun, Mexico.

Friday, December 28, 2007

The Authentic Mexican Experience Tour

After reading Heather in Paradise's blog about her visit to Walmart just before xmas, I was reminded of a blog I had posted myself of a similar Walmart experience with a tourist.

This is when I got creative and figured that if tourists really wanted an authentic Mexican experience, we could certainly give it to them. I posted this as a comment on Heather's blog and since she enjoyed it so much I thought I would post it for you all here, just in case you missed it:

We should set up a tour for tourists and call it “The Authentic Mexican Experience”.

We will make tourists sit in an apartment (token cockroach and scorpion thrown in for fun) and wait for the repair man to show up. They will roast from the heat of the day for hours on end and we’ll make them call the repair dude over and over again only to have him NOT answer.

Then when tourists want to shower they can’t. Hey, there ain’t no water here! And they won’t be able to cook either because there’s no electricity or gas. They certainly can’t leave because what if the repair man shows up? MUST HAVE UTILITIES! But of course, no repair man all day!

At night, they will have to use Jesus candles (JJ loves Jesus candles) for light and they have to refrain from going number 1 too much in el baño. Number 2 is strictly forbidden (for obvious reasons)!

When tourists finally get to sleep in their hamaca, we’ll have Mariachi show up at 4am to wake them up. When they finally get back to sleep again the repair man will start yelling up to their window over and over again and giggle and tell them some story about how he went out with his friends for a few drinks, got drunk and forgot he was suppose to come over.

For breakfast we’ll feed them a tamale (bought outside the Oxxo the night before) with some super hot hot hot green sauce and a warm beer. They won’t get to shower before they leave because the repair man says he doesn’t have all the parts he needs to fix stuff. He leaves and says he’ll come back later (yeah he ain’t coming back so don’t get your hopes up).

Since the 24 hour tour is almost up, we will send newly Mexican authenticated tourists on their way back to their hotel in a shared cab (music blasting and talkative taxi driver included of course!).

Now thats what I’m talkin about.

We could make at least $200 bucks a pop. Our target market will be idiots in the Walmarts.

I'm baddddd. LOL.

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  • At 11:45 AM, December 28, 2007, Anonymous Bell Sistah said…

    So you are gonna pay me for hosting folk in my apartment right? I mean, I should get SOME kind of compensation, no? Water maybe? A tank o' gas? On the way back to the hotel I think the tour should swing by a fichera bar, ya know just for one... lol

  • At 11:53 AM, December 28, 2007, Blogger lisajuliot said…

    So, I am getting paid to host peeps in my apartment right? I mean hook a Sistah up yo- at least a cistern of water or a tank of gas- come'on!
    I'm thinkin' to complete the experience the tour should stop off at a fichera bar on Portillo, ya know, just for one... LOL

  • At 9:16 PM, December 28, 2007, Blogger JJ said…

    I. Love. It.

  • At 1:11 PM, December 29, 2007, Anonymous heather said…

    I want to be a guide for these tours. I'll drive them out to the ejido 4 pax on a single scooter.

  • At 10:19 PM, January 03, 2008, Blogger Mamacita Chilena said…


    You've totally inspired me to write a Chilean version.

    My family was just visiting and they thought Chile was PERFECT.

    YEAAAAAAAh, they want to live here too.

    Haha, if they only knew the reality of it all...

  • At 8:40 PM, January 23, 2008, Blogger wayne said…

    LMAO! I read this out loud to my roommates and we all almost laughed ourselves off our chairs! Just too, too real!

  • At 8:56 PM, January 23, 2008, Blogger Mexico Way said…

    I'm glad you enjoyed it Wayne. As you know....this is our life and it ain't no Mexican tour!

    Sure it's funny now but I'm still waiting for my F'n gas!


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