Mexico "Way"

My stupid blurbs about anything and addition to the ups and downs of living in Cancun, Mexico.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Automated Bathrooms. A Review.

I understand that we are living in a world where technological advances are imminent. While some of these advances are super duper cool, there are some that just get to me.

At what point did we lose the ability to flush toilets, turn on the tap, and tug on a paper towel?

First. The Toilet:

I have issues with the fact that an automatic flushing toilet just randomly decides that I'm done. Um, sorry, I was not finished doing the deed and frankly I don't like you splashing my behind without asking me first! I suppose some genious thought that this would solve the problem of people forgetting to flush. But how many times have you gone into an automatic bathroom and seen stuff not flushed? LOTS! Because guess what, automatic!

I also love it when you get up and you think the sensor senses you are done, but nope. Not a nada. So you are all confused about what to do and can't find the secret non-automatic button for the life of you. But just as you give up and hope there isn't a line-up outside waiting to use the bathroom that YOU DIDN'T FLUSH, it flushes. But not once. Like 5 times in a row...... just cuz.

What about the simple fact that toilets that flush automatically have a mind of their own and never really work. What about the fact that you went into a bathroom stall to cry, or blow your nose, or recover from being drunk on your ass, or just to get away from an irritating friend and all it does is sense you in there and keeps flushing.....thus disturbing your wah, your zen, your moment of peace? Irritating. Totally.

Give me a toilet with a pedal or a long enough handle that I can kick flush. I don't have to touch anything with my hands so germs are not a factor. Will I forget to flush? No. Will others? Yes. Will the automatic toilet screw up more or less than humans? MORE (as seen by my every-day-observatory studies)......thus this blog.

Second. The Taps:

So you put soap on your hands (not yet automated but close) and put your hands under the tap and NOTHING. So you move to the next sink. And the next. And the next. Before you realize that there is some special hover maneuver that you must do just under the tap at a 45 degree angle whilst standing on one foot. I mean really. I swear, one tap of every automated bathroom is borken (broken), and almost all of them play games on you. Seriously. I'm not that lazy, I can do it myself.

Thirdly. The Paper Towel Dispenser:

Out of all of them, I think this one peeves me off the most. Probably because it comes last in the lineup of automation. Just GIVE ME THE FREAKIN PAPER TOWEL ALREADY! I am so sick of waving my hands around in the air like a freakin idiot. And why is it that they set these stupid automated paper towel givers to give you like 2 cm of paper towel??? And is there some sort of ten second rule before it can dispense the next 2 cm of paper towel? They are almost worse than the hot air hand blowers that I hate so much. If I am wearing jeans, you better bet that I just wipe my hands off on them because it's so worth it not to waste my time pretending I'm Harry Potter. Papelus Manus! And is it just me, or are they super slow at recognizing that you're waving your hands around like an idiot, and spitting the paper towel out at you? Just give me a good 'ol crank where I have control over the appropriate amount of paper I want to use. Because lets face it. If you think you are saving the earth by your magic paper towel dispenser, I've got some serious frickin news for you.....unplug the toilet, the sink, and the paper towels...DER!

Who would have thought that taking a leak involved so much BS? Now I know why some people don't wash their hands or others (men) piss in the bushes! It's too bloody (that was for the Brits in the hizouse!) difficult! From the gratuitous ass splash, to the game-playing taps to the "sorry I don't want to dispense nothin for you!" towel dispensers.....I think we need to take a step back and realize that taking a crap doesn't need to be this difficult, nor as controlled. Let us unite and crap when, how and where we want. Not when some stupid machine tells us!

Yeah! Palabra al Pajaro Grande!


  • At 6:32 PM, June 24, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You so funny!

    btw, the pictures are beautiful, and welcome home!


  • At 7:46 PM, June 24, 2008, Anonymous RiverGirl said…

    Bravo! Good post!

  • At 9:02 PM, June 24, 2008, Blogger wayne said…

    Assuming, of course, that there are even any paper towels to dispense! The worst is when they leave a roll of toilet paper to use to dry your hands! Ugh. Little gobs of white paper all over your hands. I just stick my hands inside my pockets and dry them. Thank Heaven for cargo shorts with big pockets!

  • At 9:32 PM, June 24, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    enough about these toilet posts why in the world did I recieve a lady bic 2 christmas's ago and my wife got a hammer?

  • At 11:18 PM, June 24, 2008, Blogger Mimi said…

    Ah yes, don't we miss the old Mexico.
    No toilet seat, you flushed with a bucket of water, brought your own toilet paper. Jabon? No hay. Oh look you have perfect hand prints on your shirt.

    I'm with ya girl. Give me a foot peddle and the damn dongle thing that I squirt my self with every time ANYDAY. So much better than mime school the bathroom. I must admit to getting a kick out of just shaking my hands dry, let the drops land where they will hehehehehe

  • At 7:30 AM, June 25, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Great post .. love it and so true
    KW from Michigan

  • At 8:14 AM, June 25, 2008, Blogger Islaholic Trixie said…

    Last October I lost an earring in one of those damn automatic toilets in the airport. As I was standing up from doing my business, my earring came out of my ear and dropped between my legs (not sure how it got between the thighs) into the toilet. I turned around to grab it (only because they were brand new earrings and figured I could wash off with the automated faucet) when the toilet started flushing and there went my earring.
    As I cussed out the power flusher my earring was spit back up. Earring recovered, but not put back in until it was sterilized.

  • At 9:04 AM, June 25, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    So true but hysterically funny.

  • At 12:03 PM, June 25, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hate to burst your bubble but they do have automatic soap dispensers now in quite a few offices :)

  • At 8:27 PM, June 25, 2008, Blogger Theresa in Mèrida said…

    I hate the automatic faucets even more than the auto-flush. Also the hot air dryers that sense your hands, but only if you hold them at a certain angle and radiate enough heat to self-combust. I have really crummy circulation and a lower than normal body temperature to start, add in the ice water that they supply for handwashing and I can't make the stupid things work! It's all a giant candid camera stunt, I just know it is!

  • At 5:52 AM, June 27, 2008, Blogger Fned said…

    I've got an airport/automatic toilet story:

    Once, in an airport public restroom this girl comes in speaking on her cell phone. She was asian so I could not undertand a word of what she was saying but she simply walked into a stall, rolled down her panties (I assume, I didn't look, honest!!), peed, wiped herself (I hope!), rolled up her panties, flushed, walked out of the stall, washed her hands, dried them and walked out of the restroom.... THE ENTIRE TIME WHILE YAPPING ON HER PHONE!!!!!!

    I guess automatic toilets do have a purpose. LOL.


  • At 6:42 PM, June 29, 2008, Blogger Mexico "Way" said…

    Janie - Thanks!

    Rivergirl - Thanks!

    Wayne - Cargo shorts are good for a lot of things.

    Anon.- Sorry, I'm guilty. But PROUD.

    Alcoholic Trixie - Did I mess up your name? LOL. Just kiddin but seriously, you got lucky that toilet spit it back up!

    Jackie - Oh I'm so glad someone agrees with me!

    Anon #2 - You did not burst my bubble. I'm sure it was someone else. :)

    Theresa - I'm with you. I'm sure there are cameras!

    Fned - I talk on the toilet sometimes but I often warn them so that they dont bust me embarrass me. If I pre-warn it's different. But if they catch me I'm all sorts of embarrassed.


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